Thank you, LDR and Matt for your feedback. I tried the exercise that LDR have given me and it really clears up most answers and doubts that i had.

And as you both stated, that i should focus on myself and learn to love myself, I totally will do that. Stepping out alone for the first time in 7 years is really scary and i feel very vulnerable at times, wanting to run back to him. But it just doesn’t seem fair to me or him to put us both back on that roller coaster.

I’ve seen and read in movies and books about learning to love yourself before loving anyone else, i guess i didn’t listen and missed that step. Experiences from others are sometime scattered and shown in a way i guess people like me tend to overlook, and say to ourselves like “oh, it’s just a movie.”

I’ve been cruising through life lost, wandering and i never have a direction or knew what people are talking about when they tell important life lessons. I guess i was a kid, still living in a fantasy or just ignorant of everything around me.

This year, it’s clear i’m beginning to open up, more outgoing and definitely seeing a path. I’m no longer that lost girl not knowing what to do other than what people tell me to do. I guess that’s why i reached a decision to lose some of people that i regularly talk to (jk i really didn’t have anyone to lose.) and gain new friendship that will and has help and inspire me to work towards myself and my future. I really feel bad putting all the blame and the hold back on my ex-boyfriend, but before breaking up with him i know i’m missing opportunities and contacts with some of the people that can really help me get to places (like i said before, i couldn’t talk to anyone who seems too nice or he’ll get jealous and make up their intentions so i have to stay away form that person.)

But thank you Matt and LDR, your feedback really did help me a lot! and put me at peace, i see that i did make the right choice, even though it hurts and i miss him. But i just can’t be slowed down anymore i have to keep going, i have waited too long for a change in emotional,and life-goal-wise from him. And him bringing up starting a family with no income i knew i had to go.

and i’m very thankful that you guys cared enough to read the whole story. It’s really long…Thank you so much.