Hi, Twee: Sounds like your husband’s having a mid life crisis.  He wants to be young again (Don’t we all?) and not only that, he’s confusing ‘in-love’ with real love. He wants all the excitement  and windswept romance of being young and in love. (Don’t we all?!) This is sometimes erroneously known as male menopause, but it’s a handy term. Two of my cousins went through this – your story and theirs is exactly the same. One cousin’s husband, at 45, broke up his marriage and family for a 17 year old schoolgirl (literally, she was still in school uniform) and guess what, he couldn’t even begin to keep up with all that teen energy.  He came crawling back to a closed door. The other cousin’s husband left her for someone his own age – his ‘soul-mate’ (Gods, that is the most over-used expression today, and totally meaningless) – he had a rip-roaring time for three months, then his town bike – er, soul mate found several other soul mates and he was O.U.T  – out! He also crawled back to a closed door, in the middle of winter, in the middle of the night, and sick as a dog with the flu. Melodramatic sounding, but true! My cousin told him to go and find a motel, plenty of them about…If you want to save your marriage, let him go. A paradox, but your other option is trying to make him stay and that’s going to be a bloody experience.  Let him go and let him find out about love.  Then you decide if you want him back in 3 or 6 months time when he’s had enough of his soul-mate.  You may find that you don’t want or need him back. It IS hard to start over again when you’ve been with someone for half your life – but it’s not impossible. Good luck.

Hi, Hey Its Jess: Your family sounds like it comes from a somewhat repressive cultural/religious background.  Or they are living in a completely different time zone to the rest of the western world.  ‘Conventional’ views of marriage? Blimey, different cultures and nations have different views of marriage and they all think they’re ‘conventional’ and ‘proper’ and everyone else is wrong, so where do you stop??? Your dreams sound terrific – animation illustration and an event planner business and there’s no reason why these two ambitions shouldn’t meet and mix on the right occasion.  So you go for it.  As for all this other business about ‘proper’ and ‘normal’ – well, ‘normal’ is a cycle on your washing machine.  And that’s the only normal there is. No reason why a guy shouldn’t fit in if he wants to work with you and has the same interests. Anita’s on track when she writes of the part of you that is hurt and angry and which wants  attention and respect.  You aren’t going to get respect and approval for your family at this point so just make your mind up to it and stop looking for it.  So give it to yourself.  24/7, approve of yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, your behaviour.  If a part of pipes up and says ‘You shouldn’t have got angry and said that,’ you tell it, ‘I could’ve reacted differently and next time I will.’ then replay the scene with a different reaction so you WILL do it differently next time.  It takes some effort, but it can be done.  Always use the word ‘could’ – ‘should’ is a spiritual swear word. Good luck.

Hi, Sherly:  This girl is 21 and needs a boot up her bottom – she’s worse than a teenager! I don’t believe your parents-in-law to be agreeing with her but she is their daughter, and they seem to feel they need to make excuses for her.  Not a healthy situation, as one day she’s going to learn that the wider world does not accept tantrum-throwing, rudeness and obvious displays of disrespect.  However, that’s her problem and her parents’ problem, not yours.  It is your wedding day, not your parents’, not your future parents-in-laws’ and certainly not this brat’s day.  Stand up and say no, she may not be a bridesmaid as she behaves too immaturely and you refuse to have a bridesmaid in the wedding party who refuses to even speak to you. Ask your MIL if she would have included such a person in her wedding party. Be firm; be polite. You probably will be the first person in this over-privileged brat’s life to put her in her place, and if she doesn’t like it, then as Inky has suggested, be okay with it.  There will be uproar – be okay with that too and stand firm.  Do you want the most special day of your life to be made miserable by this horrid little girl?  She is nothing to be scared of; she sounds like an out and out little bully who trades on people being scared of her behaviour so she’ll get what she wants.  Just see her for what she really is – a tantrum-throwing, squalling little brat. As Decima has suggested, have a heart to heart with your fiance about it; if you let this horrible child have her own way, your marriage will suffer later.  It sounds as if he’s scared of her too as he doesn’t want to directly confront her, but filters it through his mother and if he’s not supportive over this, will  he be supportive in other crises? Dos this mean that ANYONE can be rude to you while he urges you to ‘forget it’? I know whereof I speak, as after a year of living together, my husband’s sisters and mother began a campaign to get me out of the family and were bloody nasty and bitchy about it too. I put up with it and took it with a smile to keep the peace, which was a major mistake.  My husband made excuses for them and this caused arguments between us, but the day came when there was a serious uproar and he said to me, “Don’t worry, they’ll get used to the fact we’re together.”  I pointed out they’d had 17 years to get used to it and if the weren’t used to us being together by now, then they never would be. I would not attend any more family gatherings.  He could go if he wanted; they were his family and didn’t have to be mine, although I would’ve liked us all to get along. His mother and sisters were determined to make this impossible.  He did the last thing they expected – he turned his back on them.  And years later, we’re still together.  Don’t go through this.  Tell your fiance that this  brat behaves herself and shows some respect or stays out of your life. And don’t take her behavior personally – I believe she’d do the same to anyone in her brother’s life.  Good luck – and if all else fails, elope.