Hi Anita,

That is very true I think from a young age I have just been surrounded by people who speak with very abusive language.

I feel because i am not happy within and myself I always want to cause pain to my partner – maybe that is the intent? not entirely sure. I think I need to look into that a little deeper.

Apart from meditation which I am now making a habit of (and do feel much calmer) what else do you suggest I can do to control this type of behaviour to avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships?

x

Hi Anita,

Yes I have been on/off with meditation for a while but I am forcing myself to make it a part of my daily routine now because many people have told me this will help including my therapist.

I wish I could explain in detail why I want them to hurt I really don’t know. I get so angry and a part of me thinks they should just take it? my sister is 9 years older than me and I also watched her treat her partner this way and he took it. Sometimes I feel like my partner needs to love me and all sides of me including that but my logical mind know how selfish and pathetic that is! When I am angry the only way I know how to get rid of it is by being mean or angry towards my partner. I end up saying terrible things and then saying sorry 5 minutes after. Maybe I need to try harder to control it?

I spend most of my days worrying about this…it’s really starting to drain me…I feel it’s gotten worse because of how much I stress about it

I

also, Anita I just don’t know how to even start to be able to control my emotions.

My therapist is not teaching me emotional regulation.

Hi Anita,

My relationship with my father when I was young was very scary. As a child my mother told me I hardly ever cried or threw tantrums and if I think back properly I can remember feeling too scared to show emotion. I was always so scared my father. He always created a really horrible energy, my mum was also really scared of him so he put fear in us all. we would behave in a way so he would not kick off. He was a very angry man would start arguments with my mum/brother for no reason. I remember a lot of bad arguments which happened probably on a weekly basis.

As ive grown older my rather has now stopped speaking to my mother totally and has very distant relationships with his children. He doesn’t talk much and stays up in his room most days. He is a very lonely man but no longer an angry man.

I text and speak to him very briefly nothing deep. It’s almost a none existent relationship. Breaks my heart.

x

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Missxm.

Hi Anita,

Yes – we are taking space while I take some time out for therapy.

My therapist has not yet introduced me to that we are currently talking through building confidence and understanding weather my partner also does things to trigger me as I seem to blame myself for everything.

One thing I am sure about is i do not want to handle situations the way I do so I have introduced myself to meditation and try and do this regularly.

I don’t feel angry towards my father anymore so not sure what’s causing me to behave this way, my therapist says that trauma from the past (my dad being the way he is and I was also in a very scary relationship between 14-18 where he would treat me badly, say horrible things and behave aggressively) has caused me to pick up these habits and with time they will go away?

x