Hi Sammi-

Your feelings are very normal. Especially since you are being verbally attacked – no you’re not too sensitive. And if you were ‘too sensitive’, what of it? Doesn’t that mean that the offending person should lay off? That would be the cue a normal person would take to stop. But as we know, you’re not dealing with a normal person. Something in me still says to me that you need to look your mother in the eyes, and say, ‘Mom, this is abuse’. Very, very simply. Explain it to her yet again, and that it is NOT normal. And hold your ground. Don’t let it go off into tangential family psycho-babble nonsense. It is often very difficult for people who have been abused to recognize this. Maybe that’s just out of the realm of possibility..but maybe??

Keep in mind that you are not the same person you were when you were in 7th grade. You are evolving and have new coping mechanisms either in place or under construction. There is intention in the things you say, and a determination that couldn’t yet have been there back then. In a way I think going to your natural hair color could be seen as an interesting exercise in returning to Sammi, ‘unplugged’, or ‘un-colored’.. See how it makes you feel. Dying your hair is a valid form of expression but does going ‘natural’ make you feel vulnerable/exposed?

I’m glad you feel this is a safe place for you. As I mentioned, when I read your first post, I heard a highly intelligent, talented voice shining through everything you wrote – and very simply I saw a good person in a bad situation. Your insight and awareness of what is going on at home is exceptional. This awareness, and the fact that you have reached out in such an advanced way while still at a young age means to me that you will really be able to turn things around for yourself. I know two people who were sexually abused. Older now, they are both okay, but one really turned it around for herself, and one kind of did but didn’t really. And if you ever want to go into that I’d be glad to share both scenarios with you for whatever they’re worth.

Also, there’s no way I feel like I’m ‘putting up’ with a ‘pity party’. I had been reading Tiny Buddha while going through my own personal crisis. When you reached out I felt positioned to be able to help because a) I’m 54 and have been through and continue to go through a lot b) I’m the parent of a 16 year old, get along really well with her friends, and hear a lot of what’s going on, i.e. cutting, eating disorders, assholish parents, etc.. So I felt in touch with what you’re going through and felt I could bring something by lending you my ear and opinions. And it brings something to me as well to know this is helping.

On another note, while going through my own crisis, Anita, unbeknownst to herself was a great help to me even though we never addressed each other directly. I’m always amazed at how succinctly she puts things that I would have taken three pages to express, and also her exceptional perspective and insights. So, Anita, if you’re reading this, here’s to you!

Also – Tangent warning- I had originally put my own name on when I set up and account but there was an IT glitch that we had to figure out since it was using my complete email as my name. It was both dorky and mildly invasive to me. There’s a line in a movie called The Year of Living Dangerously that goes “I help those that are put in my path”. That has become my personal philosophy, and I felt the name Driftwood had a both a zen like path-crossing randomness and also a lost and found quality. But as you know my real name is Mitchell. Either or, all good.

Oh yes and one more thing since I’m on a ‘zennish’ note – One of my daughter’s friends who is trans had a major panic attack in school the other day so today a small group of friends is going to a zen buddhist center this afternoon to try meditation. Thought you’d find that interesting.
-Mitchell aka Driftwood

Detecting patterns is pretty much what I meant when I talked about hovering above it in the Sammi traffic-copter. It means you are at a slight ‘remove’ from his behavior and can see it all too clearly for what it is. I think this is a major step to having it affect you less.

You already have good insights into his bad behavior. It sounds like his life is pretty ‘small’ to have all that energy to devote to tearing down others. I see ‘no one standing up for you’ as more like ‘no one can deal with him’ when he does this kind of stuff.

Sooner than you think he will just be a ‘pebble in your shoe’ (a phrase a friend once said to me that I like), and will have no real effect on you whatsoever except as a minor annoyance.

I think the Charter school will take on a momentum of its own and change things up for you. Like anything it will be what you make of it, but having this outside energy and focus in your life will also give you some added distance from the current situation. The more distance you get on it, the more perspective. You are already gaining on it.

I can already see a slight shift in the energy between you and your mother (might seem tiny to you, but the beginnings are there). Believe in tiny miracles.

Yes, the drag queens will be there next year. I can almost guarantee it.

Sammi, I really think you are doing all the right things. You reached out in a really healthy way. You have good intuition and are very perceptive and I think these are going to get you to a place you want to be.

I really like that painting – theme and composition. It’s very engaging.

Give yourself permission to be proud of ALL of the above. I really mean that.

-Mitchell

Hey Sammi-

Sounds like your sleepover and just hanging out does you well. Sometimes just stepping away from a ‘situation’ is really important even if it’s just for a little while.

Ok, where to begin…bear with me, I’m linking up a series of disparate elements in this letter since its been a while.

Kick and Pet, that wee small link in the chain of abuse. It doesn’t come from nowhere, but from a lack of trust which has come from being emotionally violated. As I said, I know it well, and yes, to me it could sometimes feel more natural in some ways. Why? Because it provides some kind of ‘comfort’ – but it’s really a form of protection as it preemptively closes the door before the object of our affection has time to reject us (a wee slap that says ‘there- I beat you to it’). I know I mentioned all this before. But here’s the thing—it’s a reaction to other relationships and might not apply to the person in front of us right now. I’ve noticed that it runs in my family too and I in turn have ended up hurting girlfriends’ feelings for no good reason. The bad thing about it is that it closes the door in the face of the other person and kind of stops a little bit of affection from flowing. It has taken me a long time to learn this.

So applying a bit of ‘fake it til you make it’ to kick and pet, might mean consciously expressing a tiny bit of heartfelt affection to someone without the kick.. Do it for yourself, just to see how it feels. Remember the recipient of kick and pet doesn’t necessarily know where it’s coming from, just that it feels crappy.

Artwork and general being-

INDEED – You should take a decent amount of pride in your artwork (as well as your writing) It is a great forum for you and your skill is apparent and will only build over the years. My mother spent a lifetime learning about composition, going to painting classes and art exhibitions and exploring for herself. Like any art form it means a lifetime of learning.- but that’s the joy in it. I grew up surrounded by her paintings, often consisting of lone figures expressing dark or ‘stuck ‘ emotions that for some reason as a child I vaguely felt responsible for. Why? Not sure. Maybe because I was the last kid, a ‘surprise, and after the nightmare of raising my older brother and sis, it was clear that in some ways she would have preferred some more painting time instead of another kid. In truth some of her work was linked to her inner emotions and some of it was just telling a story that had nothing to do with her or me or anyone for that matter.

It is good that you have both means of expression – art and writing. I also like Anita’s suggestion of writing very simply in certain personal circumstances to express your heartfelt emotions in the most basic way. I have seen too many artists and writers camouflage their problems/ hide behind their artwork without addressing their own issues.

My hope is that you allow yourself to feel the same kind of high esteem for yourself as you do via your artwork. That you value yourself for yourself. Sounds obvious, cliché and corny but it’s not, especially when we haven’t had a lot of affirmation from those closest to us.

I am very serious when I talk about giving yourself the pat on the back for baby steps, or for starting to consider the charter school or whatever. Helping give you a good feeling about yourself with increasing consistency. Not just feeling good through your art work, but about yourself. Building self esteem is a skill to be learned like anything else, and it’s really easy to let it slide. It takes vigilance.

Someone just said to me that you have to perform ‘stop and frisk’ on yourself to make sure you’re not carrying any low self-esteem weaponry on you. (Did you google ‘stop and frisk’?)

As for your mother, I am getting the bigger picture. But I do still think she wants the best for you. Someone also just said to me that sometimes the people charged with raising us aren’t the best suited for the person we happen to be. So that might play into this as well. Not sure if she understands you completely.

So where do things stand with the Charter school thing now that you’ve mentioned it? Is there a way you can take a very preliminary tour and get a feel for it? Scary, yes, but sometimes scary is good as we move on..

I’m also wondering how things have been with Mom’s bf. Has he settled down somewhat in his abuse? Is it effecting you a little less?

Lemme know! I hope Thanksgiving is good for you. I am away at friends’ but will be checking posts!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Driftwood.

Hope you’re having fun this weekend, Sammi. We can take up our thread (my last posted a bit above) whenever.

Howdy—

You have a lot on your plate, as they say.

One thing is that they really push kids into decision making way too soon these days. As a reference point, my daughter and many of her friends have been totally freaked out about the college thing, (big tears, existential crisis) for one thing because they started pushing it in middle school. Looking back (not to be all like ‘In MY day….) things were not like that at all, and you were kind of ‘shepherded’ towards the college thing closer to when you were a junior. With my daughter we couldn’t discuss the college thing because she felt pushed, not ready, and also was like “We have to ask permission to go to the bathroom, but they want us to decide our entire futures right now.” So we laid off it for a while, and like I think I mentioned she recently saw a place that was a little like the charter school you mentioned. They don’t go by grades. You create your own curriculum and do things as intensely as you want. Nonetheless they are very respected academically. Also there’s a ton of financial aid available. It kind of turned her head. If and when you are interested I will find their link.

The reason I wrote you the long letter describing what I do (I’m not as busy as I would like to be, by the way) was not so much about ‘myself’ but to kind of give you a bigger picture than where you’re at now and to let you know that indeed there is a place for creative people in the world and it’s not quite the stretch you might think it is from you current vantage point (which by the way is going to change greatly over the next year or two). There are a lot of options.

I just want to make sure you’re not (metaphor warning…) ‘piling the boxes’ in front of the door when you no longer have to; i.e. when you are out of the situation you’re in – which is right around the corner. It’s normal that when you’ve been in a ‘survival’ situation, and gotten used to ‘stacking boxes’ for your own self-preservation, that once the situation/threat/abuse is over, you still reflexively ‘stack boxes’ in front of the door. Only now, its the door of opportunity, and you don’t feel like you are able/deserve to go for something good. But you are/do.

So if it seems like I am suggesting you consider the charter school thing – I am. Provided that you feel up to a challenge. The reason being is that it wouldn’t be a bad thing to introduce some structure in that way, especially a structure that’s at least a bit on your terms. Something to think about/ explore and see where you land with it all.

Getting out of your situation can feel like ‘The Great Escape’ (old movie) at first. But it might get old fast, mean a string of waitressy, Walmarty jobs, etc..

I’m not suggesting you ‘conform to society’ but rather that you start exploring getting things a little (just a little) on your own terms… terms that YOU value and that will support you.

None of this is easy, even for us ‘grown-ups’ (a ridiculo term as you probably realize).

Idea for some baby steps: on your own terms, explore and do the things that mean something to you. Creatively etc.. Start to explore/value your creative skills and find ways in which they are affirming to you. Also your people skills. I can tell that your friends value your opinion. Really put full faith in yourself, and if you find you can’t or are ‘stacking boxes’, ask yourself why. And again sort through the ‘junkpile’ until you at least understand your reasons/blockages.

I’ve had a lot of cool and quirky creative friends who have had to do a bunch of odd low-down jobs (I’m one of them) and I know some creative people who have done things that gratify them creatively. And the ones who do something (even if it’s doing lame ad layouts for a crappy bargain paper or lettering layouts for a sign shop) even if it’s part time, are much happier because they get to call on those inner resources and skills which is nourishing.

Mind you I’m NOT pushing you into making decisive decisions about the rest of your life, but rather introducing the idea of exploring things on your own terms..

Also, I have a feeling you might be getting into a better place with your mother over this next year..(?) more on that another time..

Cheers.

Hi Sammy–

Sounds like things are starting to shift/change for you a bit already. For one thing, by the description of the un-evolved ‘ape thing’ I have the impression you’re actively starting to sort through the junk pile and toss things into their respective categories, gaining a little distance in the process.

So you looked back and realized you haven’t drawn for a while. This is normal since ‘survival mode’ is not exactly conducive to ‘creativity’. Now that you are actively in the process of getting things in perspective regarding the ‘ape thing’ and other issues you might find a little bit of a creative spark cropping up for you here and there. I know for me my creativity goes into hiding when bad shit is happening, and it takes a little while for it to peek its head out again. But if you have it somewhere it will never really go away as it’s a part of you.

So a bit about this ‘creative’ thing, at least a start. Yes, creativity or inspiration or the drive to produce comes and goes. True for everyone who’s blessed/cursed with creative impulses. Firstly, for our purposes here, let’ s not call it ‘creative’ per se. Weird but when I’m not feeling particularly ‘creative’, I think of it as my ‘creativity’. When I’m being super productive writing or shooting a video for work, it feels more like I’m just using my skills. Though the end product might be considered ‘creative’ by people on the outside, from the inside, it’s just hard work and building/using my skills and natural instincts.

So that said, I’ll tell you a little bit about my inner ‘creativity’ then about being hired for my ‘creativity’ aka creative skill set, and just what that reality is (in the world of grown-ups), then how it could potentially pertain to you now and down the line as creative person.

First – I was always creative. Always writing stories and plays and film scripts and other things as a little kid. My real inner-inner creative drive is a search; a search for some kind of essence or deep meaning and I don’t even know what that is. It’s very abstract, more of an ‘exploration’ that I can’t really explain, but it’s a drive and it’s really there like a living person in my life. Not always easy, sometimes painful, but it’s always been and always will be.

Now nobody is going to be hiring me for my own personal ‘search’. But over the years I have built on that inner creativity and incorporated other skills. In my case those skills (that I worked up to) have been producing and directing videos for companies. Lots and lots of videos. Some of them the most boring videos you have hopefully never seen in your life, like explaining proper dosages of heart medications to doctors. I have literally put clothespins (they use clothespins on the set to hold fabric up) on my hands while directing some of these videos just because I didn’t want to be the first director in history to fall asleep at his own shoot. Sometimes they are slightly more fun, like semi-funny take-offs of stupid TV shows or movies or other really tacky stuff. This is the way corporate America communicates with itself.

But I love doing it because even though it doesn’t have any ‘deep meaning’ for me, I get to use my creative skills. It builds my creative muscle which really helps when I actually do one of my own projects that I’m really into. My daughter says I can give anything a plot, meaning a beginning, middle and end, which I suppose is something I have learned from this. So when someone comes to me with something to communicate, I look for the story in it and then ‘flesh it out’ until it becomes a narrative.

Here’s the reality of how this goes: Someone from a company’s ‘marketing’ department comes to you with what they need to convey. ‘We need to tell the world our shoelaces are the greatest.’ So I figure out how to tell the story. Sometimes I’m the writer, sometimes someone else writes it and I produce or direct it. Nobody on the creative team gets too invested in it since the reality is that once you come up with the perfect idea, the marketing guy (who doesn’t have a creative bone in his body but is about to launch the biggest shoelace campaign of his career) will want to add his ‘idea’ which sucks, but you can’t tell him how bad it bites since he’s actually the client. So you say, ‘ok, let’s see how that works’, and you stick his sucky idea in somewhere adding a slight improvement that he can take credit for later. In the end you might think it’s sucky but not quite as sucky as you first thought.As they say in the business ‘no babies died’, and everyone’s happy with the way you’ve told the shoelace story. And the fact is you’ve taken something potentially deadly boring and actually made it interesting.

You’ve actually gotten paid for lending your creative instincts and skill set to something. And sometimes they are actually meaningful, cool things (not just shoelaces or heart medications) and they don’t suck at all. What I have really learned from it all that I apply to my own work is how to be flexible and unattached to an idea if it’s not working. How, as Stephen King puts it in his book ‘On Writing’ to ‘kill your darlings’, those ideas you thought were so brilliant and splendid but in fact are not helping tell the story.

This opportunity at non-attachment to my own ideas and also, doing something productive helps me justify my own personal painful ‘creative search’ and helps me not take myself too seriously. And in some ways it’s easier than working on my own stuff – and then I can return to my own stuff feeling kind of refreshed.

A lot of people do this kind of work for all kinds of things – graphic arts and design for print, photography, copywriting, copy editing, video editing, musical composition, you name it. And who are these people? You know, us creative weirdo misfit types with bumpy childhoods and creative instincts who are always on the verge of getting our lives together… Actually some of the greatest most talented people I’ve ever met, several of whom I now consider close friends.

Creativity ‘evolves’ with you. So what might seem like a tiny thing now or a weak little flicker can actually be just the seed for something that will grow with you as you develop those skills.

Okay, so let’s back up a bit out of the ridiculous immaturity of the grown-up world of shoelace manufacturing and see how this could pertain to you and your current situation.

Like I say, really start placing more value on your skills/abilities/creativity. (I don’t allow myself anymore self-deprecating jokes about creative pursuits because even though we think they’re sarcastic, they kind of ‘sink’ in and we create our own negative reinforcement). You wrote that you would be ‘honored’ if someone were to hire you for your creativity. Well, it’s not out of the question down the line so maybe start thinking (don’t put pressure on this or it will backfire!) about what that thing you would do might be.

One great thing that just happened is that you mentioned the charter school. I was going to talk to you about a very cool and open format college I’ve heard about but it actually matches the description of the charter school, so let’s talk about that for now. I think your instincts are telling you maybe to try this. (My instincts were telling me about the college for future reference for you but this is even more relevant to now). And I think it could be a really great thing. Yes, there will be challenges, but there will also be really reinforcing things for you there. And it sounds like a flexible non-uptight environment and a step out of your house.

Remember, facing challenges is a giant scary and wonderful thing, not easy, but you will get a lot from it. You have been facing so many challenges at home- could this be worse? I don’t’ think so, and I also think it would give you some good reference points for your life, a new perspective that will eventually outweigh the other negative reinforcement that has been surrounding you. You’ve had to make your world very small to deal with the surroundings, and getting out of your comfort zone can be a very scary thing, but sometimes scary is good. You could use some fresh input in your brain. And baby steps are ok! I still do them!

I have the feeling your mother might not object so much, since she is also searching for an answer for you in her head, but as we know is overwhelmed by her own situation. And maybe you counselor can help you advocate for this with her?

Keep thinking about moving towards this… Think about it while walking the dogs. Dogs are excellent healers on those walks that buy you a few minutes of freedom out of the house (despite being pains in the ass at the end of the leash).

Let me know what you think/feel about this!

-Mitchell

• This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Driftwood.

Hi Sammi-

A few quick words, more – i.e. some creative feedback/ideas to follow.

The reason you are getting such a great outpouring from people is that it’s obvious to everyone looking in objectively that you are a Good Person in a Bad Situation. Keep that line in your mind when the wheels come off. Make it your mantra.

Yes, the self victimization/abuser cycle goes something like this:

“WAH WAH WAH… My boss/mother/brother/sister/girlfriend doesn’t understand me. They exclude me from everything. They didn’t let me pitch my handcrafted tee-pee replica in the middle of the golf course and I worked so long researching it to make it a historically exact replica … I poured my heart into that project and I’m misunderstood and taken for granted. (Knowing full well from the get-go that no one was going to let them pitch a tee-pee in the middle of a frickin’ golf course-duh..) You’ve shown me no respect or love. Respect and love I’m entitled to!!! I’ve tried so hard, but now you’re forcing me to take out my Cave Man Club and hit you over the head with it so I can knock you out and drag you back to my cave. This way YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE ME!! I just want you to know you’ve forced me to do this for your own good and the good of the relationship.”

This is a main ingredient in the domestic abuse/dispute/violence cocktail.

Those ‘little’ snipes he takes at you, which he positions as ‘just joking’ are abusive – make no mistake. It has taken me a long time (years!) to figure that out as I endured it from a family member my whole life. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he is incapable of saying something nice without what I call the ‘disclaimer’ coming down the line at you. Why? Because somewhere deep inside he is too vulnerable to express real affection without the backhanded bitchslap follow-up as a ‘preemptive attack’, his personal guarantee just to make sure ‘he’ won’t get hurt by YOUR rejection because YOU are so mean and abusive. That’s how it was in my case – to the point of being accused of being abusive. So here was my point about sympathy: Now that you are getting a foothold on understanding something of the motivation behind it/him, should you feel sorry somewhere deep down for him? Compensate even subconsciously with ‘self limiting/self-loathing behavior for his terrible (wah..wah..wah) deep wounds that he is too weak to express normally but blames on everyone around him? F—K NO!!!!

Now look at it this way – easier for you to say F-K NO to it, than for someone who is romantically involved with him, since at least you had no choice in the matter and could care less if he leaves. So when he rode along with you and your mother, think of the relationship guilt trip he might have laid on her if he had been ‘excluded’.

You might think I have terrific insight into this person that I don’t even know, but I don’t – it’s because it’s a common pathology. It’s always the same story. I could give you a bunch of examples.

I will reiterate it is very difficult not to internalize this kind of abuse with low self image, self loathing, thoughts of suicide and all those good things we humans visit on ourselves. Especially when the abuser knows your exact triggers. (Knows because in part he created them.)

Which is why the mantra to yourself needs to be ‘Good person in a bad situation’. There is ZERO reason that you should feel bad about yourself in this situation. Allow yourself the time to let this concept sink in – but be vigilant about moving towards it (Good person bad situation or maybe GPBS?) when you feel yourself slipping backwards into those feelings.

As for your father – you are a kid who has been forced to set boundaries with a parent, which is something you shouldn’t have had to do. But you did have to, and you have done it the best you can. It was/is a healthy reaction. Priority here, again? Self preservation. It might be that someday you will say yes to the Christmas card once a year, or not. Your choice.

My niece has the same issue with my brother, and she’s gone through periods of tolerating him and not. He wasn’t around for her in her childhood/teen years and now wants to make amends. At this point (as an adult with grown and teen kids) she is just starting not to be affected by it. I have had long discussions with her about it even recently. I just came across a bitter poem she wrote about it when she was a teen. And she’s still dealing with those feelings. Another ongoing process- it’s not just because your a kid. But there’s time to deal with this. Priority now — Sammi!

Very psyched that you are saving my feedback somewhere for future reference. I hope this all comes in handy in your ‘toolkit’. One thing that is coming out in all of this with all the people who are giving you good feedback and support is that you have been successfully advocating for yourself and doing it through the written word.

Believe it or not, there is motion in all of this (hard to see now, but there is!) This is going to come in handy for you in the next phase as you prepare to get out of there and start working towards getting things on your own terms. All of this is a part of your path out and onto better times.

-Mitchell

Hi Sammi-

You bring back an early memory for some reason. When I was very little, a kid came over to play and we built a little city in the dirt with roads, and little mud and stone buildings. A little jewel of a city, a miracle of engineering to me when I was five or six. He then asked me if I liked the city, and when I said yes, he said ‘Oh yeah…? ‘ and proceeded to kick it back to the stone age until it looked like a bombed out desert city, a pile of dirt and sticks. A whole civilization destroyed! What a hurtful violation of what I thought was a joint ‘creation’ Obviously I will never forget this betrayal as even back then it crushed me both in terms of trust, and also creatively. (He later went on to become a major ass in high school. Now, in retrospect I think ‘What an unhappy child he must have been.’) But at the time it made me wary of other kids, not without reason – and that was just abuse from a kid!

When someone is abusive, they are constantly trying to pull at your foundation stones for subconscious reasons of their own. And the healthy reaction (which you have had) is to keep constantly replacing the foundation stones to keep a sense of self and sanity together. However the fallout that occurs from constantly having to rebuild to ground level just to maintain, is that you often don’t get to build your ‘house’, to go further with things just for yourself. And this can lead to not placing the proper value on yourself and in things that are your right. Unfortunately this can become an ingrained habit long after the abuser is out of your life and no, that’s not good enough.

Part of that fallout is chronically undervaluing yourself and things you do. Not in an overt way – it just kind of creeps in. It is very subtle.

Just because something comes naturally or easily to you doesn’t mean that it is less valuable. Putting stock in yourself and in your talent/s is a skill to be learned, like anything else. (Trust me, I am still learning it.) This ‘effort’ is doubled for us ‘creative types since our emotional issues/low self image can spill into not fully valuing those skills we use to express ourselves, whether they are painting, writing, acting, dancing or whatever. Don’t take yourself or your skills and talents for granted. They are the building blocks. It takes time, but learn to take yourself seriously (I mean this!).

School, for many of us (my daughter’s major complaint), can be a great killer of inspiration. So don’t let that color your view on your writing which, I will point out, you do call a passion! That’s not to say you have to become a ‘writer’ per se for a living, but valuing and building on that skill will lead you other fulfilling places be they college, a graphic arts or writing internship at an ad agency, who knows…? (I am planting this seed – pursuing these or other things are your right! You can do this.)

One of the reasons I have time to write all this right now is that I’m waiting to hear back on a job that involves my skill and creativity. There are a lot of moving parts, but one person wants to hire me based on my talent and experience. They hardly know me – and guess what – there’s that little voice in me that STILL says “Who me? Nah…aw, shucks folks, I’m really nothing…it’s just something I do…” The difference is, now at 54, that little voice doesn’t hold sway anymore, and I’ve learned how to ignore, tame, or ‘work with’ it, and to value my talent. But it’s an ongoing process.

So there you go, I’ve just suggested yet another burden, and that is to start finding little ways to value the skills and talents that come to you naturally. Even if it’s just in tiny ways that you find affirming. Even if it’s baby steps, really try to figure out how to do it – it’s really more of a slight shift in your thinking than you might think. (Start doing it now, so you’re not one of regretful grown-ups looking back on their lives going ‘I used to x,y,z… I’d like to get back to that..” )

To be clear, there is nothing I am writing just to be ‘kind’ to you. Your intelligence, insight and talent is clear to everyone who reads what you write, and it will be recognized. Trust me on this. So please- make sure it’s clear to yourself as well.

The good news for us creative types is that we kind of get to be kids forever in certain ways.. so the (sometimes lost) magic of childhood finds its way back into our art.
-Mitchell