Good for you for reaching out. Awareness is a big piece of the puzzle, and you’re already experiencing that. That is such a great start.
I also grew up in an abusive household. My father’s philosophy was, ‘When all else fails, resort to violence.’ Except that rarely did we experience the ‘all else’ part, just the violence part. I thought this was normal as a child. I thought other children were regularly beaten like I was. It wasn’t until I was put in counseling as a 14-year-old, did the counselor inform that my belief was incorrect. I ended up leaving home at 17.
In the many years as a child and in early adulthood when I was not yet a parent, I promised myself many things. In the beginning, I swore I would never even have kids, so sure that I would damage them because of my upbringing. Later, when I realized that I did want to have children, I promised myself that I would never do to them what was done to me. Trauma is really a powerful thing. It was almost as if the pain I suffered propelled me to the opposite end of the spectrum, as the mother I have become is patient and loving. I was taught what NOT to do, so to speak, because of being so acutely aware of the damage that violence can do.

I have not been perfect. There are challenges many times a day, every day, especially when kids are 2! Time outs are a great tool. My husband and I used to joke when ours were little that time outs were more for the parents than the kids. It allows you as the parent to get some space, breathe, and re-center yourself in moments of frustration. I regularly tell my kids that ‘mama needs a time out’ if things get frustrating.  (2 of my 3 are twins, so I had 2 2-year-olds at the same time. See: breathing!) When I have lost my temper and raised my voice, I take responsibility for my actions. I apologize to my kids. They need to know that adults make mistakes, too, and the important thing to do is take responsibility. This was never taught to me, or modeled by my parents, but somehow it makes sense and works.

The other thing to remember is to try to see from your 2-year-old’s perspective. Life is not easy when you’re 2! You’re life is ruled by adults, and you have almost no say in what happens day to day. They are learning and growing so much in such a short period of time, and that is hard. It’s their job to test their limits and find their place in the family,  and in the world. Remembering this helped me immensely. Set firm boundaries but enforce them with love and kindness. There are wonderful books and online information about doing this. I have read so many!  Because I didn’t have the model from my family. You can also join a support group. It’s really amazing the power of just simply verbalizing your struggles and hearing others talk about theirs. When you hear for yourself that you are not alone in your feelings or experiences, you break out of isolation and feel supported.

I am a mom, not a father, but I can say to connect with your child at this age can present challenges. They are not necessarily fully verbal and get frustrated easily. The thing that mine wanted most (and still want!) was time with me or their dad. It didn’t matter exactly what we did. They don’t need techie toys or grand excursions. All they want is your attention,  and to be heard and engaged with. Listen to their (many) questions. Answer what you can. If you don’t have an answer ask them what they think! Get on the floor and play horsey with them. Read, read, read. Read them anything and everything. Make up stories and sing silly songs. Go for walks and talk about what you see. Treasure every moment.

Many blessings to you on your journey!