Hi Selizabeth!

I reckon, by your username, we are around the same age group. I think this is natural–after all, we’ve been bombarded with the media and society on what beauty should be.

I currently am in the same journey! I would like to share with you what I’ve done so far; but as I am a student myself please do take everything I say with a grain of salt.

A man sees the world what he carries in his heart. (Goethe)

People who are closest to us would tell us we’re beautiful. We would often reply, oh, we’re not, they’re just saying that because they love us. And I realized that that is exactly the reason why. When a person is full of love for us, it means they are also full of compassion for us; and because of compassion, they see us for what we truly are – and they express it as ‘beautiful.’ I can recall how I caught my own mother randomly staring at me. When I ask her why, she’ll say she has never seen a person so beautiful. Of course I shrugged it off.

If we ask this same person who told us we’re beautiful whether they also find themselves beautiful, it might be a different story. Loving other people does not mean we love ourselves, and I believe this is where we are, and this is what’s wrong.

This realization has changed me so much. So first, instead of seeking self-esteem, I sought self-compassion. I have learned that everything in the world is unsatisfactory because nothing is permanent and perfect. I teach myself this, and I do my best to accept that the reason I suffer is because I desire to be perfect. I do not suffer because of what I am, but because of a desire to be what I am not, and because I do not accept myself. In knowing this truth, I have become compassionate to myself. I think that is the first step in my journey.

Next, I practice. This is the stage where I am in now. Simply ‘realizing’ the truth isn’t enough–especially that the mind has gotten so used to the idea that we are inadequate. It must be paired with practice. I try to be mindful of my own thoughts. I do this by practice of meditation as it helps me be more in control of my mind. When I catch my mind being unkind to myself, I pause, take a deep breath, and remind myself of the truth. Reading and reciting the Heart Sutra has helped me so much – it teaches that all phenomena in the empirical world is empty and impermanent; thus, nothing is worthy to be held on to. Sometimes I even catch myself being impatient with my self-compassion. When that happens, I stop again, take a deep breath, and tell myself that I’m a work in progress.

These are my thoughts on the matter. Again, please do take it with a grain of salt – take it as you would seek an opinion from a classmate. Good luck! 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Moon.