Just a suggestion: go to Al-Anon.

Sent with only the best of intentions sincere wishes for your happiness.

Stan

Although it hasn’t been five years since I’ve seen my youngest daughter (we’ll call her “R”), who is 27 , I can certainly relate to what you’re saying. It’s been about six (6) months and, while I don’t know the future, no thaw SEEMS to be forthcoming. (I also have a 30-yo daughter with whom I am in occasional; contact, though she lives in another state)

I wasn’t aware that we had any “relationship problems,” so it came as a surprise to me when she quit returning phone calls, texts, etc. I am wondering what I did wrong. My oldest daughter doesn’t seem to think I have done anything wrong. One possible contributing issue is that my ex-wife (my daughter’s mother) moved in with my daughter. My ex hates me profoundly notwithstanding my attempts to have an amicable relationship. Perhaps my ex has “poisoned the well.” Nevertheless. R is 27 and is responsible for her own actions.

I am worried that she is suffering from addiction (this has happened before). I am worried about a lot of things.

I drop her a card or a little gift every month or so in the mail. I get no response, of course, but I never expect one.

It IS sad. And frustrating.

I don’t feel lost as my life is busy with some pretty good things, so I have a lot to occupy my mind, but at some level R is always there in my thoughts and emptions. I struggle (being a guy) with occasional anger rather than a feeling of loss. Maybe it’s a gender thing.

I truly hope the “thaw” to which you refer continues. These situations sound like something over which you and I are powerless, which is very frustrating until acceptance is reached. Will I ever reach acceptance of her deliberate absence? I don’t know.

Best Wishes, Stan