Hi Anita,
thank for kindly taking the time to write. Yes it absolutely does ring true. My husband was abandoned when his mother died at age 9 and whilst he quickly found himself with loving step parents I believe he has trauma. His adult life started when he left home at 16 to join the army and although he has fond memories of these times, he also tells me how traumatic and difficult these were too. I do believe that this bares much significance to him now and he likely many issues he has not yet dealt with. I accept this but I also cannot be the one who absorbs and carries this for him, especially given how it causes me to experience deep frustration and sadness. It has literally ground me down, every time it happens it saps the life out of me, it exhausts me. I desperately want it to work but his reluctance to accept any accountability whatsoever makes me feel that he is unable to change unless he accepts that his outbursts are irrational and harmful. I have made a plan to leave him but I still just don’t know if this is the right thing to do, even though I know that way he treats me is wrong.