We also had an interesting talk about Marriage which he had brought up. Prior to this conversation shortly after one year of being together he had asked me about timelines and marriage. He mentioned he never thought about marriage, having children until he met me. He wanted us to talk about a dream, a plan. Fast forward to last week, he mentioned he might not believe in marriage anymore because 90% of his family has gotten divorced. Its really strange he brings this up since many of his own friends are happily married but he has some sort of fear that what happened to his parents are to repeat to him. He recently started mentioning his own parents divorce much more often these two weeks. He communicates how it hurts but how he’s slowly forgiving and understanding his parents mistakes which scarred him badly. This was a really intense talk with some sad tones from him. From that moment on, he  was not in the mood for intimacy (twice, both separate times), even though we had a great day with quality time and deep great conversations together. We’ve never had that problem before. I’ve been thinking about it for some while. I can’t help but take it a little personally but he says it has nothing to do with me, so I shook it off then.

Dear Inky,

Thank you for your advice! I kept this in mind which eased my anxiety, and I’m guessing maybe my boyfriend sensed it and opened up to me more than he usually does. He talked about his life, his feelings, dreams and about us. He reconfirmed with me that wants to be with me and we have a future. He also admitted he has been so distracted and stuck in his own head this past month, and taking me for granted and being distant. He apologized for that and said he’s going to be more present. The next day he talked to me throughout the day very playful and loving. He then called me in excitement to tell me he’s met a new friend who’s offering him a spot to practice on his ball team on the day we were to spend quality time together before his family event. He totally disregarded our plans, that he had suggested and invited me to. I was happy he was so excited because it was a big passion of his years ago he’s been dying to get back into. I still felt hurt since it would be the only time we see each other in a week, and he also turned down our routine “us day” to have a day to himself (he’s been working 6-7 long days a week). He invited me to sit and watch or come when we leave for the event. Mind that I’d be sitting alone approx. 5 hours on the bench and surrounded by his family later. I had turned down a friend’s birthday for our original plans together so I told him I’m not sure If I’m coming anymore and ended the phone call. I later told him I understand you want to do this and you’re going through some tough times and need this, but i still feel hurt. Just bringing my feelings to light, but it’s okay I understand and also how he said he’d put more effort to be present, considerate, not just “his plan”. He starts talking about questioning the future for “us”, how he’s doing things to please himself because he’s not happy with his life, and sorry for being selfish. I again say I get it, it’s all going to be okay, i’m here for him. He then says he shouldn’t have to be convinced he loves me and like it’s an obligation, things I have never said or even recall convincing him of. He said he doesn’t want to talk so now we’re not talking. I don’t know what to do right now. I love him so much but I hate this feeling of waiting on him making up his mind, which he has done once before. It’s almost been two years we’ve been together. He did mention I did nothing wrong and am absolutely wonderful to him, we both know this is within him. A old emotionally scarred part of me has resurfaced wants to naturally run to make things easier especially knowing I don’t deserve to feel hurt. The real present me wants to be with him and doesn’t know how to approach this without being pushy on him. I don’t want to give up an amazing thing and person. I just want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Stalemate. I’d like to hear your perspective please. I feel I keep putting myself aside which isn’t healthy either.