Hey Spider,

I realize this thread is about a year old… but I’ll throw in on it.

I can relate first off – I’m a guy, 32 years old. I dated a girl back when I was 18 for about 2 years – we broke up when she went to a different college, I joined the military – we stayed friends, dated again when I got out. We broke up after about 2 more years. We weren’t seeing eachother a lot, with work / school – she got a second boyfriend on the side, then I became the second boyfriend on the side.

She eventually moved across the state, changed her phone number, doesn’t have a facebook. I’m married now, its about 8 years later. My wife is amazing, way hotter, way more educated, beyond loyal and for some reason loves me beyond all hell.

I still miss my ex.. allllllll the time.

I took some psychology classes in college, also studied up on buddhism.

I’ve got a couple theories. So psychology first : people who aren’t happy in life, tend to lean on their partner for happiness – it’s unhealthy but it’s what people tend to do. I guess when I’m not feeling happy, I kind of revert back to times in the past I’ve stored in my brain as “happy” – which a lot of those times were with my ex. We look to our exes like an escape from whatever crap we’re dealing with – associating them with a better / easier time. It’s unhealthy, mentally speaking.

theory #2, buddhism derived : So one of the pillars of buddhism is the concept that everything good is temporary. A nice vase on a shelf, you can look at it and appreciate it – but it’s not wise to fear when it breaks, because eventually it’s going to break. Like dreading Monday all day Sunday – good things come to an end, enjoy them while you can – that whole concept is what I think we fail at when we miss our exes. We look at it like we “had” something we really liked / loved and now it’s gone so we dwell on the fact we don’t have it any more. Which is suuuuper against basic buddhism.

Best we can do is look at our exes, even if they were 10/10 perfect (which usually isn’t the case), and appreciate the good (just like a steak dinner), be thankful that we experienced those moments in our life – but accept that they’re gone. Know that even the relationships we’re in now will end some day, so enjoy them while we can.