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Kevin

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • February 27, 2014 at 10:17 am #51914
    Kevin
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    It’s eerie how many points contrast so similar to my life and to how I feel, Blaice. If my writing was as elevated as yours, you’d literally be reading what you wrote, to a degree.

    These may be cliche to an extent, but have impacted my thoughts in an optimistic way. “Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you.” I’ve gained so much knowledge, fundamentally, into how relationships are broken down and operate (as it was my first). I’ve become more empathetic, more enlightened, and more driven than ever. You have to take something informative out of it. It’s a necessity for moving on. And, “You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” That girl is just one chapter of your life story. You are the sole creator of how the story ends, or how the story can be made to be. Stop thinking, start living!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by Kevin.
    February 27, 2014 at 9:55 am #51913
    Kevin
    Participant

    Well that’s just aggravating. After typing up a nice reply and submitting it, it disappeared.

    February 27, 2014 at 9:52 am #51912
    Kevin
    Participant

    Thank you Blaice.

    I never really underlined and put into perspective what “HSP” meant to me but as I process it more thoroughly I begin to understand that it is exactly me. I’ve always been a sensitive person in many more ways than I cared to realize. I suppose we adapt to our problems or our problems impede us in functionality.

    Real men can express emotion. It does not downgrade masculinity, nor does it showcase femininity, it’s in our human nature to be able to feel each emotion in their entirety. I suppose at one point in time I thought it showed weakness to express emotion, it exposed a side of me that felt foreign. A side that my mind deemed unnatural. I believe it all falls into the category of how you were raised as a child. Some where love was always present, some not so much. There is much cause and effect to this correlation and to how one is in the world right now. A family should exemplify love, trust, freedom, compassion and so forth.

    The ongoing issue with my ex’s family and myself is very burdening. I do feel like it’s restricting me in getting over the girl I love. I do say that loosely, as I’m in love with her, and it’s hard to, as you said, purge someone from your very existence. She’s impacted a part of my mind so intensely, so drastically, that her memories will carry with me for a very, very long time, if not forever.

    My ex’s grandma, whom I’m very close to insists on keeping me up to date with her life and her status. I’ve insisted on keeping it to herself, and even if I do ask, refuse. I’m weak in that area. I want to know what shes doing, but it benefits me in no way. Matter of fact, it just hurts. I’ve denoted their house as negative energy now. As a place where I’m hurting myself. My intuition is telling me to just let them go. To move on and to contact them when I feel comfortable doing so. They’ve become so attached to me that I’ve tried time and time again but they insist on keeping me around. And like a dog to its owner, I foolishly return. I’m pushing myself over and and over again. I have to go have dinner with her tonight because I couldn’t say no. My mind is telling me the only answer I need to know, to let them go. But I can’t stand to hurt someone I care for, who cares for me. It pains me knowing that this is my only option. It hurts even more that my opinion seems to have to no value, my feelings, state of mind, and everything else means nothing! It’s all about them. Meanwhile I’ve lost the love of life. Asides from this I’m doing great haha. Everyone’s battling something in their lives.

    February 23, 2014 at 9:04 am #51564
    Kevin
    Participant

    Blaice, have you ever considered writing a book? You provide exceptional advice and I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts. I know you speak from the heart.

    Personally, I’m trying to incorporate more gratitude into my life. So I just wanted to say thanks. I’m grateful for people like you, who have a profound sense of empathy, something that today’s society seems to have misplaced.

    I will provide another response soon. I’m just consistently busy.

    February 20, 2014 at 2:42 pm #51467
    Kevin
    Participant

    T.

    I will not delve into my extensive story but I will share briefly of my day to day living.

    I feel like I’m in the beginning stages of what you’re currently experiencing.The distraught and pain that my breakup has induced on me as a human feels almost unbearable at times. Mentally and emotionally, I feel like I share the same outlook and stance as you. The same painstakingly affirmation that I too will never truly get over my first love. I’m only in the beginning stages, being 6 months since our separation. Within those 6 months, the thoughts, the memories, the constant tug-of-war with the mind has hardly lessened to a degree that makes me feel normal. Is this what normal will be like? I’ve by no means thrown in the towel with my life, I have plenty of friends, plenty of hobbies and interest. I live healthy, actively, and positively. Has this helped? No. I have dreams, aspirations, and goals all to which I know I will excel at. My life will only be full again with a significant other, at least to my knowledge and beliefs. Trying to find happiness in the emptiness of being alone is very difficult.

    She left me in the worst of ways, for another guy. And like you, someone who just overall seems so inferior. She’s apparently “in love” with him now after us being together for 4 years. I would conclude that I was a mistake, and was rewritten and forgotten of. I admire your strength as to not pursue her on social media sites, as I fall victim to this time and time again. The images and words that I have read from her have burned so deeply into my brain that I feel like it will carry with me to the grave. Weird how the mind works. It wants to know what’s going on in the life of someone you love, but at the same time knows the pain in which it will bring. It’s a pendulum like scenario. One side is curiosity and love, and the other is pain and hurt. It’s a continuous cycle. Personally I hit the wall with it, and hopefully my mind will refuse to search her up from this day forth.

    Like yours, she too changed, not for the better. She become immature, distant, and heartless.

    Like anything in life, I’ve been trying to utilize it as a lesson. As a teacher. If you take nothing from it then it was a waste of time, an in essence a mistake. You’re not alone in this fight T. Ive fought every day for 6 months now with no sunlight in the horizon.

    Strength. Perseverance. Determination. Love.

    You’ll win this fight. Just remember, you’re in control of you.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by Kevin.
    January 16, 2014 at 5:51 pm #49230
    Kevin
    Participant

    Thank you for your responses.

    I have been practicing mindfulness, and trying to live in the moment as opposed to the past. I have been taking care of myself. I wasn’t in the earlier stages but now I’m back in the gear I should be, if not excelling passed them. I’ve taught myself how to play guitar, and am taking singing lessons for a confidence booster. I’m also learning Spanish and have begone practicing yoga. I’m back hard into the gym, and have definitely become a lot more optimistic and hopeful of the future. I guess “life goes on” pertains perfectly to these situations, and with time the heart has a way of mending itself.

    I’m the type of person who likes to believe in fairy tales, and perhaps I’ve created my own that one day she’ll come back and we could start over, but I cannot wait for something that may not ever happen, I can just keep moving forward. Having her lingering in the back of mind regularly restrains and restricts me into getting in another relationship. I can’t bring myself to even try, but in all honestly I want to remain single and build on my broken foundation. In regards to her family, they love me like their own, and are more persistent on keeping me around than you’d think. I will not lie to you either, that I love them too. By limited contact, how loosely do you apply “limited?”

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