I have had a similar relationship with my sister, though different also. She found someone to share her life with who got sober, worked his programs and she got sober to be with him. She did not go to meetings or work out her inner demons but she seemed to put them to rest. After 20 years and 2 children he went back to his demons, was cheating on her with numerous women (and children) and eventually left her. He supported her as long as he could then died of cancer. She moved back to the states after he left her and we had a good relationship as she worked through her hurt and low self-esteem issues. Unfortunately, she started drinking again and while not as bad as when she was young, she still left her children in their apartment all night and well into the next day when she went out. I had the apartment next door but also had a social life and didn’t always know when she was absent. She hooked up with a heavy alcoholic who encourages her drinking but does not support her emotionally or spiritually. Before my father died, he arranged for my sister and I to buy a house together which we did mostly so her and her teenaged boy and girl didn’t have to live in a one bedroom apartment. Immediately thereafter my sister found out she had lung cancer. She has done radiation and chemo and is cancer free from her neck down. They discovered it had spread to her brain after she finished her lung treatment. She promised her children she wouldn’t die. And now I find she has gone back to smoking, which we both quit when she first found out she had spots on her lungs. She talks about healthy living, juices and takes natural cancer fighting foods but is still drinking almost daily and smoking packs of cigarettes. I have tried confrontation and it has caused terrible stress which, while bad for her, is bad for her children too. As they are the reason I got myself into living in the midst of the chaos, I think I need to release the need to help my sister. I believe her lifestyle will allow the cancer to kill her and I have to accept that that is her choice, even if she doesn’t see that it is going to kill her. I believe myself to be a feet to the ground realist and also believe my sister has always ignored reality whenever it did not coincide with her wants, or search for sensation. I and you Septicon, need to accept that these are her choices and try to help the rest of the family deal with them. Time alone will tell the outcome of her actions and in my sisters case, the cancer. Support your family, understand that what you tell your sister while she is under the influence is not going to be heard. It helps me to see her with a bottle over her head. Nothing gets through that the bottle does not let get through. In my case, its that anything she does affects anyone else or even herself. Try to stand united as a family and not get involved in the manipulations. She makes her own choices. They are not yours to make.