Hi Stephen,

I had to respond because I felt like there were some similarities to a recent situation I had faced & endured this past year.

I too have struggled with low self-esteem since I was in high school (almost 20 years ago). I say this because recently I had found a letter I had written myself senior year. What I wrote surprised me because at that time I had been seeking courage and strength to be happy; similar emotions to what I was feeling when I had found that letter.

Last year my ex bf (also six months) dumped me because feelings resurfaced for an ex who had broken up with him two years prior to me. What’s worse, he referred to her as the “love of his life.” That pretty much sent my self-esteem in the dumps. For months, I struggled with it BIG TIME. Was it I? Where did it go wrong? What could I have done to prevent this? The hard truth was, nothing. I made every effort to work it out but he was unresponsive.

Because of that, it sent me to a dark place of mourning. It took me a long time to comprehend the fact that because he didn’t love me, didn’t mean I didn’t have love in my life. I was blinded by this incident, which supersede the unconditional love and support my family and friends have for me. I allowed the ex, of whom I had only a 6-month relationship, crushed my self-esteem when the real people who know me and loved me have been around me all my life or many years. I now see the silver lining, I deserve that unconditional love he wasn’t willing to give me.

I don’t know what kind of girlfriend your ex was, but don’t let this break up sound like your low self-esteem caused your break up. It may not even be that. It’s so easy to list a number of things that could have soured the relationship. I’ve come to accept the fact that it’s TIMING.

I had to accept the things I couldn’t change (cut all ties/communication) and just move on. I am slowly finding closure and I refuse to repeat the cycle of holding on to feelings for an ex in hopes for reconciliation (he didn’t have closure with the ex). Because by doing that, I am sabotaging the potential to allow myself to be open to someone who deserves me. And I am worth it!

So what now? My advice is, surround yourself with those who truly know you and those who see your worth and love you unconditionally.

My other (favorite) advice is: travel, travel, and travel. I had traveled abroad by myself and discovered so much about myself. See the world! See all the beauty that it has to offer you. Acclimate yourself to the unknown.

It’s so easy to think of the past/negative situations, therefore, I created this mantra I tell myself (and the universe) whenever I feel these negative emotions: “Please give me the strength, courage and confidence to find peace, love and happiness.” I repeat this over and over in my head until the negativity dissipates.

Just know this, if you were brave and courageous to open your heart to this woman. You will be brave and courageous to open your heart to a woman who truly deserves to see your potential and your presence. You can either continue to be under the dark cloud and let this situation get the best of you or you can either move forward, think positive.

Also, Tiny Buddha has helped me. Reading other people’s posting (like yours) has been therapeutic. I was a mess last year. I fought hard to be happy. I’m not saying I’m one hundred percent happy, but being around my family and friends has helped me see the love. Life is just too short to be anything but happy.

Best of luck!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Malia. Reason: avatar