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May 17, 2018 at 12:16 am #207885SimonaParticipant
I gave up on the letter last night. I met this friend and I was telling her the whole story and while I was saying it and hearing myself talking, I felt like I’ve been so stupid so far…
Yesterday I talked to him because I needed to move a desk from my old office to my house and I needed a car for transport, we established we will meet this morning at 8:30 to move it, in front of his block. I sent him an sms, waited for 30 min, he did not show up. He called me 1 hour later, I did not pick up. I’m kinda done. I am so pissed on his lack of humanity and respect.
My best friend is the girlfriend of one of his best friends. She told me that the 3 of them met this Tuesday, talking random things (not about us) and the guy was very chill…
So yeah, this morning thing needed to happen so I can feel so nervous to cut him for good.
May 16, 2018 at 5:43 am #207687SimonaParticipantDo you also have some tips on what exactly to emphasize more in my letter?:)
May 16, 2018 at 5:37 am #207681SimonaParticipantDo you think this letter is a good idea?
May 16, 2018 at 5:32 am #207677SimonaParticipantIt is and is not. He does agree that when you feel something is bothering you, you should say it to the other person, but he regrets not doing that with me – he said that he should have said when something was not ok with some situations between us and so on..but he did not verbalize it then. He is generally very introvert…although at a first glance he seems quite the opposite…he is good at giving this sort of advice to somebody else, but he does not apply it to him…
I asked him today if he thought about this week activity together..he said that on saturday he most likely will go help his dad with something and on sunday he will want some time for himself..so this week we won’t synchronize ourselves…but he will think of an activity…honestly, this is making me again waiting for him to come and propose to do something…
Tomorrow morning he will help move something to my appartment..i am thinking tonight to write him a letter to tell him everything i fell and to drop this idea of 1 activity once a week..something like a closure letter…it feel like this idea was very stupid…leaving me hanging to get a piece of him once/week…not fair…it makes me feel like a person who accepts bits and pieces….
May 16, 2018 at 2:56 am #207635SimonaParticipantSometimes I do…I need attention, i’m sometimes jealous, and he wanted to feel free…
However i never felt i was exaggerate or anything, but he kept on acting that he wanted to do what he felt like in many situations and I was not supposed to comment or feel bad about it…this was his impression of freedom.
May 15, 2018 at 11:42 pm #207569SimonaParticipantI can’t really get through this part of the lying…why would you say to someone ok, let’s do this, then act like you never said it and just avoid things? why bother saying instead of saying better: no, i can’t, let’s not see each other anymore..
he said something like ‘i need to transform this into nothingness so i can get close to you again’
i have this issue with people leaving, i am a person who likes to have many people around and because i keep trying to hard to do it, it just seems the reverse thing is happening…
Yeah, he might be able to be mature and loving with someone else but not me, i would just like for him to be able to admit that he does want somebody close and those things he is saying now are just some immature crap that is going around his head for a month or 2. Until he meets somebody and says hei, yeah, i want to be in a relationship. He said something like he is not the type to ‘fuck without feelings’, meaning that if he has sex with someone it will not be based only on physical stuff…so how do you define that other than going towards something more serious with someone? He said to me that he has no feelings for the girl he cheated me with…i don’t believe that for a moment.
May 15, 2018 at 7:40 am #207443SimonaParticipantYes.
He might have been mature then , at the beginning, but he is not anymore..or maybe he panicked and did not want to take the level of responsibility for a serious relationship…or maybe he is just a liar, finding it hard to let me go with honesty, saying he wants somebody else, instead of telling me he loves me and that he wants to experiment…i find it very hard to believe actually…
The majority of us want to be loved and cherished …he is a very sentimental guy, i doubt he does not want somebody close…
Anyway I guess I will never know the truth…and what will bother me forever is the lying, in the end…don’t say you want to write me something nice and never do it, or don t say you want to spend 1 day per week with me and actually never planning to do it ever…i can’t understand this level of lying…it’s fucked.
May 15, 2018 at 7:20 am #207435SimonaParticipantYeah…funny how he says that he loves me and still rejected me so bad, unfortunately.
May 15, 2018 at 4:54 am #207425SimonaParticipant@anita, let me give you an update:)
Last Friday, I broke the NC rule. I was drunk [yeah, this is when it usually happens :)] and I sent him a simple and short text saying ‘I don’t agree anymore with the 1 month break’. I sent it at midnight and I didn’t get any response back…
The second day I called him , it was lunch time and he was sleeping, said he will call me back once he wakes up. He did not, but he sent me a message saying to get in touch in the evening cause he was not feeling very well and he has some things to do also in the meantime. Of course, he went out in the city with friends. I texted him saying it’s urgent to talk and I need to see him, so we did this in the end in the evening.
I went to his place and I encountered an attitude I did not see in him before, something like ‘heeey girl, do you want to leave for good? then leave for good’, he was cheerful apparently and wanted to see me also happy. I said I was unconfortable with his attitude, he said yeah, sometimes I am like that also, again we talked, he said yeah i love you but i’m fucked, I can’t be present with you because i am not well with myself (he said that the morning i called he was not feeling well because he has woken up feeling like the last person on earth), that is easy to be present with friends but not with me because there are emotions. Also we talked again about freedom, he said that now he is feeling like “loco loco” and not searching for a relationshiop, that what are we? we are 2 free people that love each other bla bla and all this conversation just got me like….man u are so confused geez.
Then we laid down in bed, and he started saying: until when will we play this game? we are not letting go, none of us. What are we? He said again: 2 free people that love each other. I did not cry and started to make some jokes and just looking at him crying. I asked why he is crying, and he said that beneath everything, somewhere deep down, i want to be with you…Then of course we wanted to have sex, I said no no, we are not fuck buddies. So we just touched a bit and went to sleep.
The next day I just woke up and left, we was leaving again with friends to some green space, I texted him saying i need my money back (he has some money to give me) , he said ok, i also said to stop ignoring me like he does and really open up and be true, he said he was going to write to me a lot that day because he will have time to himself, and that something changed the night before when i was with him and that he will write me..HE DID NOT.
Sunday night I felt really sick , also my bike was stolen from my block, so i texted him in the morning to come and visit after work. Which he did. He said we need to stop talking about us when we see each other because none of us is well now and we don’t solve anything. He said we need to do well to ourselves first and then see what will be. He said he does not ignore me because he does not want to see me, but because we keep on talking about this , we are tired and we need to be joyful. And what to do? So we said that 1 time per week we will have 1 day for ourselves when we will spend time and in the rest of the week we just focus on ourselves. I said i want him to be the 1st to propose the day, he said ok.
Then we stayed for a little while, he kissed me on the forehead and left.
Honestly, i just think this is major bullshit 🙂 I just feel he is lying to me, i think he has some other girls he is talking to and keep him very busy, not having time to deal with sad stuff like our thing. He’s not the type to be alone, although he says we wants to be free. So now i’m just like….fuck off with the lying. I resent lying.
I don’t even think he will propose any day to spend that time…really now 🙂
May 15, 2018 at 4:24 am #207421SimonaParticipantThank you Quanam, for your words! Very nice and I do agree with what you are saying. Especially this: Remember this quote: “When you start giving too much importance to someone in your life you tend to lose your value in their life.”
May 11, 2018 at 6:02 am #206889SimonaParticipant🙂
Well, we did not agree to a date of ending the NC..we just said one month and this was last Sunday.
May 11, 2018 at 5:49 am #206885SimonaParticipantI can try doing that, but it’s so difficult with each day.
May 11, 2018 at 5:26 am #206879SimonaParticipantYou mean I should propose this to him now, during NC?
May 11, 2018 at 4:25 am #206863SimonaParticipantI think it makes sense, yes. And it’s hard to fight this battle. I often imagine he will drown himself in sex during this time or just try to be with another person, since with me it seemed difficult…he said that now he is emotionally unavailable..
Isn’t weird that confused people are the most attractive ones?…
Now I can’t stop but wondering, will he break the NC? will he, after 1 month, maybe not contact me at all? It’s painful to imagine.
May 11, 2018 at 4:07 am #206853SimonaParticipantThey are the kind of people you can talk anything with, they are simple people, they live at the countryside, always welcoming and making you feel like at home, they joke, they are transparent etc.
They are giving him money when he needs it, they are helping him with anything else he might need, always making sure he is ok, calling etc.
However they complain sometimes that he his not very present with them, only calling from time to time, not coming to visit to often, they are worried he is not very responsible with his life etc…
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