I can understand the pain Blaice and all of you have gone through who felt left by their partner. But for all of you who feel this way, not needing closure means letting go of the negative thinking and laying of blame, and instead accepting that both you and your partner are both worthy of finding the right person for each of you. What matters and is a positive step, is that you have both discovered that you were not right for each other. Blaice you talked in terms of your partner being irrational and immature. It is difficult but it really will help to consciously Stop when you feel your negative views rising inside you and instead, breathe, and let yourself consider positively that even if you don’t agree with how your partner behaved, she had her reasons. The reasons may be because there is part of “who you are” which was simply a mismatch with her personality make-up, or if she was immature and irrational, then again, you are in a positive position of being now free and able to find yourself in a relationship where you both find that the “who you are” is naturally, without uncertainty, a fantastic match with “who she is”.

From the perspective of the person who leaves the relationship, Like Porterman, I was the partner who ended the relationship. I spent 6 months before I broke up with my boyfriend, explaining to him that I felt that we needed to make more time for each other, when we had reached a point where he spent time with his own family, his friends, and work colleagues, at the expense of any time with me (we both had jobs far from each other so we had limited opportunities at outset). My last words (after he announced that he had invited friends over to his house for another full weekend followed by plans for a number of the following weeks which did not involve me), were that I had run out of ways of trying to explain my feelings, and trying to have a discussion with him. What turned out to be his last words in response, was that he was too busy. I broke up with him after this. He had reached a stage with our relationship where he took it for granted without question that I would be there and this taking for granted blocked his ability to listen and hear what I was saying. In the meantime, so sociable was my boyfriend, that everyone who knew us would tell me what a great guy he was and I could never meet a nicer guy. Similar to Porterman, it was partly a difficult decision to leave knowing that I could well be viewed by his family and friends as heartless. When I ended our relationship , from his perspective it was without closure. He sent me alternately bewildered and angry, blaming emails, saying he was shocked, wounded, hurt, and I believe that he may still believe that I ended the relationship without any reason when all he did was love me. From my perspective, I had left the relationship exhausted with months of trying to explain and talk to him without sounding like I was whining. I guess what I am hoping to show by this rather long-winded account of the end of my relationship, is that staying in a relationship which hurts you, or seeking closure for why it has ended, are both energy-sapping and emotionally-draining activities which do not move you forward. Accept the the bottom line that your values, personalities and needs were not in sync and too far out of sync for the better parts of your relationship to offset this. Acceptance will not pull you back, it will bring you to the here and now of your life. The end of an out of sync relationship frees us to find that person who will be our great match. I am sure that my boyfriend will find the women who will be his, and I will find the man who will be mine. This is what makes me happy inside. Try to think this simple thought too (there are no timelines but it will happen one day) and I hope (and am pretty certain!), that it will make you happy inside too 🙂