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Thank you Helcat
Yes, I do need to learn speak up and say no rather than seeking to please everyone all the time. I guess when feeling so low this becomes exceedingly more difficult to do, which in turn increases that low feeling even more.
I divorced 17 years ago, separated before my youngest was born due to my ex husbands adultery, and divorced a year later. I was dating practically weeks after my youngest was born, I felt I had something to prove to my ex at the time, silly I know. I ended up in a relationship with the first person I dated which lasted several years. He was in the same boat as me at the time. We moved in together after a year of dating and parted ways 6 years later, I ended it. I then had a couple of disastrous relationships where I was emotionally abused/manipulated, one lasted 3 months the next one two years, of which i ended both of them. I then dated an old friend which led to a two and a half year relationship which again I ended. I was alone from then for just over 3 years until meeting A last year. So I’m not sure you’d really call them temporary or casual.. And as for dating, I’m bot sure i wish to meet anyone else as i feel my choice of men radar is right out of sync x
Many thanks Anita, your time is much appreciated.
Wishing you a restful night
Anita, yes, I guess some of my dad’s anxiety/depression may have come from that place. He’s mentioned feeling dragged down by doing everything and i can understand how that feels.
A invited me over to dinner, and as an afterthought (in a second message) said I could stay over, that he’d give me his bed and he’d take his daughters (she was at her mums that night, shes 20) with no funny business. When I questioned it later in the evening, he said he is just lonely and wanted to wake up with another person in the house on Xmas day. In between the days of my declining and then sleeping with him, he said that he’d asked me to stay and that he knew something would happen and that he was being selfish because he’d wanted to wake up next to me, to feel held and wanted. When i said to him that i felt really confused about it all as he’d wanted to go from friends to dating, but was then seemingly pursuing me again, he said that I should have said just said yes, and probably just stayed, but also said he understood why as whether I stayed over or not he said he knew I’d overthink things, hence saying I should have just stayed.
I spent Xmas day and boxing day in a state of confusion. Lonely without my boys, lonely being at my parents on Xmas day where i cooked dinner and sorted everything out.. and alone at home on boxing day. Was not a good Xmas.
And since sleeping with him, and having continued to.. I still remain conflicted within my mind among other things going on x
Hello Helcat, many thanks for taking the time to reply.
I’m no longer supporting my friends daughter, that came to an end at the end of last year.
I have been feeling overwhelmed especially towards the end of last year, and I knew I wasn’t accomodating any time for myself as i was splitting myself in so many ways and trying to stay afloat so i could support my dad etc.. I do find it difficult to say no, especially when I’m feeling this way. I’m aware I’ve taken a nose dive hence pushing myself to walk, cycle, exercise more, it’s my coping/mechanism for seeking some sense of control.
As for A. I feel a sense of having been manipulated whilst at a low point. Craving that feeling of being wanted, I’m not sure I’ve made the best choice. Everything is pretty much on his terms. When i ask if he’d like to pop out for a walk or join me for a coffee, he declines then will as me to join him for a coffee, or a walk. He always asks literally last minute (that morning, that hour) whereas I’ll query the day or two before as I know I’ll need to factor in running about for family etc. This weekend he’s pretty much ignored me aside from a message to say he had a headache.
The other thing for me i guess is emotions.. being intimate with someone leaves me with emotion overload I guess you could say, makes me feel more lonely? It’s difficult to explain x
Thank you for replying to my post.
Yes, you are on the right track.
Thinking about what you mention me being back as sister and daughter. I feel back where I was before I left home to move in with my then partner (my ex husband). I remember being the support for my mum and brother whilst my dad was working, and only having my dad to turn to, to talk to, confide in as my mum just didn’t understand how to bless her. I’ve always been her support and my brothers from a young age. They are both quite coy and in a sense nieve and easily led and can misunderstand situations or conversations.
As for A, no I don’t want to be in a friends with benefits situation, but I can see I’ve allowed that to happen. I almost feel manipulated. I feel quite angry with myself. He blanked me thus weekend, a call for a chat on Friday evening few sparse messages over the weekend x