That’s true. I’ve tried replacing texting him with doing other things, it’s getting better but at times I still feel emptiness and sadness when he comes to mind. I miss more than him, more like missing emotional support or emotional intimacy as I don’t have much friends and the close friends I do have, they’re often busy and we  can’t get in touch. I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself but still can’t help feeling depressed from lack of emotional intimacy or closeness with anyone, even with my family.

Tony, I agree with what you say and I figured he is a player.

I woke up and thought about him again. I feel numb, empty. I felt like I just lost someone who could potentially be better for me.

Recently, my previous ex started messaging me often. We talk and I just don’t feel anything towards him anymore, as H assumed I still do. It still stings when H said I can go back to my ex and that he won’t force me to do anything, that he came to a conclusion that it’s okay if I do.

Thank you anita. What you said makes sense to me. I know I deserve better, which was why I ended it. Because I gave him a warning that if he cheats or doesn’t treat me well, I would end it. He said he got it but still wasn’t truthful he was still talking to others. It’s hard to walk away but I know it’s the right thing to do.

He never apologized that he was caught even when I had proof of it. That hurts. Because I thought he’d be different and better. He didn’t believe me when I said I was over my ex and thought I’m keeping him as a friend because I still want him. I don’t. I’m not sure if it’s because he was cheated on before (he told me his first relationship ended because his then-girlfriend was acting different toward him and assumed she cheated). And told me a few times for me not to hurt him or don’t want to be hurt. Is it because he’s afraid I’d cheat on him, so he did it first? I don’t know fully what he does on the dating app and how his conversations with other girls are like, because I just only see he’s still on it. He deactivated it after we decided to be together, but I noticed he reactivated it again without telling me. When I broke up with him, he told me he’s kind of given up hope and that it’s fine I go back to my ex. I know both our trust for each other is broken. I just hoped there was still something I could do to make it better. He said he is not down to be the only one doing everything and making me happy. That he’s not happy and feels I don’t put enough effort. He said he can’t improve himself to better himself for me and that it seems I cherish my ex more than I do him. I felt like my efforts were unappreciated. It’s only been 2 months we dated..

• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Ann.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Ann.

Anita,

1. They would constantly say/ask him questions like “does she not like us?” Because I tend to be a quiet person and I always struggled socially since most of the time I don’t know what to say, especially if I’m not close with the person. I found out about it because he told me what they said about me. The thing is, they ask him or only say them when I’m not around. My then boyfriend tells me that initially he did try to explain to them that it’s just my personality and that I’m a quiet person. But they still always ask the same questions and I guess overtime he started to be affected by what they say. They would also say things to him that I’m too clingy or that we hold hands too much. But I don’t really see it as a big deal.. I mean we are dating. And it’s always how we’ve been, we would hold hands when we’re together. We don’t make out in public so it wasn’t like we were displaying extreme PDA. But he would tell me that his friends admit that they are jealous of our relationship. (They are single so they felt jealous we were dating.) also, one of his other friend is also in a relationship but they honestly display way more PDA than we did. They would kiss in front of everyone but it’s never an issue with his other friends. They never mention about them. I just felt like they didn’t like me because I’m not the same race as them.

It hurts most because he agreed with what they say. A few months ago prior to our breakup, my was heated and angry with me because he felt like I was treating his friends like strangers. For example, there was a time when one of his friend (who’s single) was driving both my then boyfriend and I back home from his other friend’s house. My ex was dropped off first because it was closer, so it was just his friend and I in the car. We started talking about driving and me getting a car, etc. and I felt it was nice. “His friend isn’t as bad as I thought. We talked and he seems nice.” I thought to myself. (It’s one of the friend that I would say things about me when I’m not there.)  But on that day, according to my boyfriend, his friend told him that he asked me a question about my family (“how many siblings do you have?”) and his friend said that I replied with “one sister” and that was all we said, and that after that it was awkward silence. I told my ex that it wasn’t true and that he never asked me anything about my family, so I found it weird. Then after explaining to my ex, he talked to his friend again and then he told me that he actually admitted we did talk a lot that day.

2. By everyone, I mean parents, grandparents, and parents’ friends. Some of my parents’ friends would compare me to my younger sister about things like my height (which I was always insecure about) and it made me felt self conscious growing up.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Ann.

Anita – I learned that a person’s relationship with a partner is a reflection of a person’s relationship with their caregiver/parent.

I don’t feel the anger towards my parents anymore. But I do see the correlation of me trying to get that emotional need from my partner because I didn’t get that as a child or ever from my dad.

Emily – it just hurts a lot because he’s the first person I’ve felt I can completely be myself with and even act like a complete idiot around him. For some reason, it was just so easy for me to open up to him. Now that’s gone. It feels so empty and I feel so betrayed by him.

We can talk to each other if you like. It’s always nice to have someone to talk to.