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Annie

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 41 total)
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  • #387867
    Annie
    Participant

    @TeaK:

    I am sorry you don’t feel okay, but there is at least one positive thing: you have a job now. Last time we spoke, you were looking for one… Does it help you feel at least a bit more empowered at the moment?

    Thanks TeaK. At the moment, I’m self-employed and have a client I’m working for, but it’s not really enough money I’m making. But yes, thinking back to the beginning of the month, I felt what I have now and being able to be paid for some tasks seemed impossible for me. So I’m very grateful to have that opportunity.

    It’s good you are at least aware that you shouldn’t expect empathy and understanding from your parents, so you are open to looking for it elsewhere. Eventually the goal would be to give it to yourself – to have empathy for the little Annie who was treated differently than her younger sister, which made her feel rejected and unappreciated.

    There is a really useful youtube video on reparenting, by Barbara Heffernan. Please check it out (look for Barbara Heffernan, title: Reparenting Yourself, posted on June 22, 2021). It gives a framework of how we can reparent ourselves, with or without the help of a therapist.

    I will check out the video. I really appreciate it, thanks.

    There is actually a limited number of core wounds that we can have, so it doesn’t have to be such a daunting task. Perhaps a part of the problem is that you believe there’s so much work ahead of you, so many issues that need healing, and this prevents you from even starting? But it doesn’t have to be so overwhelming. As you’ll see in the video, one of the first steps is to take better care of yourself (e.g. sleep, rest, and better boundaries with people), which you might be able to implement relatively easily.

    Yes, there is definitely a lot I need to heal from and work on. Recently, it’s been hard to juggle everything since I’ve been doing 3 other internships and helping clients with tasks that I barely have the time and focus on working on myself. I have been feeling slightly burnt out as I feel I’m taking on more than I think I can handle. But this is because I’m trying to gain more skills so I can find work that pays better and I shouldn’t waste time.

    Would you like to share some more? How come you felt sad and hurt after meeting him? Were you hoping to rekindle the relationship and he wasn’t interested?

    Here is a bit of the back story: We dated for 3 years, but have been on and off a lot because he’d want to break up and then we rekindle and the cycle repeats. Overtime I felt so anxious and preoccupied, afraid he’d leave again. It felt like we were walking on egg shells. We would fight about his friends, because I felt insecure and felt like I wasn’t as important to him as his friends were to him. I’d compare our relationship with that of his friend’s and envy them because his friend treats his girlfriend so well. Not saying that he treated me horribly or was abusive (he wasn’t), just that when I feel we were getting closer, I’d feel him distancing from me. He was overall caring and thoughtful about me, and did things for me. The last break up was initiated by me because I had a feeling he’d end things so I did it first to avoid the pain of rejection. At that point, I felt all his friends already know except me (just my assumption) as one of his friends and his friend’s girlfriend left our FB group chat and they started a new one without me in it. I felt humiliated and embarrassed as our conflicts were now known by all his friends.

    Last year (1-2 years later after we broke up) and up until this year: We were supposed to meet up that month or in January (he texted me that he missed me and my touch and hugs). It didn’t end up happening as I got news from the landlord that the neighbor next to us got tested positive for covid. I was really sad and told him we had to cancel the meeting because I was really worried for him and didn’t want him to risk getting anything (though he kept insisting to see me). We didn’t text each other and didn’t contact each other after.  A few months later, he did send me a link and I replied thank you but he didn’t reply back after that. 2-3 months later, he crossed my mind and I kept thinking about him. So I decided to text him and ask how he’s doing. That’s when I found out his dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and it’s been really tough for him and his family. He also had started working a new job and taking care of his dad so it was busy for him. A month or two later, I’d texted him asking how his dad was doing, and his dad is recovering after surgery and doing okay now. I texted him how I miss him and asked him how he felt about where we stand right now. He replied back thanking me for letting him know and that he didn’t know I felt this way. Then he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship or date right now. He said he wanted me to meet other people if possible. He suggested that we should talk about things regarding our relationship in person, not through the phone or text and I agreed. He’s focusing on finishing college and wants to go to law school after. He’s also moved so he’s been busy. He made it clear to me through text that he’s okay with hanging out and having fun, but doesn’t want to date. I did felt hurt and cried after reading that, but I respected his decision. We made plans to meet a few times in September, but none happened because of the timing. The weekend before we met up last week, he did text me and asked me if I wanted to see where he lives now since his dad wasn’t home. I didn’t go because it was getting late and I didn’t have a car.

    Our recent meet up last weekend: I guess I felt sad and hurt after meeting him because the whole week building up until we met up, I was really looking forward to seeing him again (last time we saw each other in person was in December last year).  Although I know I shouldn’t expect anything else to happen, I guess subconsiously I still hoped for us or that he’d still have feelings for me. We were supposed to talk about the relationship, but we ended up catching up and talking about anything but feelings or relationship. I was just afraid and didn’t want to hear his rejection in person, so I didn’t bring it up. We got ice cream and shared it. We only met up for 2 hours and got lunch together, before his friend picked him up as they needed to do a project for class. I went home myself and text him I got home safely. We exchanged a few more texts and he stopped replying back, but read the message. I felt rejected and so hurt. For the few days after, I felt horrible. I find it hard to accept that he’s moved on.

    #387862
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita: I don’t feel affirmations work for me, especially when I don’t believe in the positive affirmation would apply to me. I’ve tried listening to affirmations as my relationship coach suggested, but I feel it did little to nothing.

    #387779
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita: Thank you, anita. I really appreciate your replies when I post and being supportive.

    My heart has been feeling heavy and especially since it’s fall and winter season coming, I tend to get seasonal depression so the feeling of loneliness amplifies.

    #387775
    Annie
    Participant

    @TeaK:

    Chronic pain can be related to blocked emotions, e.g. chronic shoulder pain can be related to feeling that you need to hold “the weight of the world” on your shoulders. You said you feel responsible to solve your parents’ problems – so in a way this could give you the feeling that it’s you who need to carry the burden (while others have it easy, like your sister).

    It could very well be that when you start working on your emotional wounds, the chronic pain would subside too.

    As I understand, right now you’re pretty much unable to move to a place of your own, because 1) you don’t have a job, 2) due to covid, and 3) because you don’t want to share a place with an unknown person, whom you don’t trust.

    So you’re pretty much confined to your parents’ apartment and sharing the room with your sister. So physically, you can’t move and be free. But mentally and emotionally, you might be able to “move” and feel freer. One thing I believe would help you is not to expect to get empathy and understanding from your parents. Because you try to communicate with them, and it falls on deaf ears. Recently you broke down in front of your mother because she didn’t show compassion for you, and the friend that you had complained to earlier didn’t either:

    Yes that’s what I thought too, that it’s an emotional/ blocked emotions. I’ve been to the doctor to get multiple x-rays and they said it seems fine. I went to get acupuncture and it only helped for a few minutes before it started hurting again. I’ve been trying EFT tapping and feel it does help reduce the pain, but I have to do it constantly every hour as the pain starts again.

    I’ve been putting off on the personal development course I’ve paid for but just tried to resume it yesterday and today. I’ve also been trying to journal more often too since I got a lot of new cute notebooks I’m excited to use.

    Yes I know I can’t expect to get empathy and understanding from parents, and taking the personal development course, it makes sense why I get so triggered by their actions or lack of actions because of the many emotional core wounds I developed from my upbringing (which I am still learning about and trying to work on and I know will take many years to work on).

    I know it’s best and ideal to talk to a therapist, but I can’t afford that right now. So I’m just looking for online support or support group I could talk to as I don’t have that in real life.

    #387773
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita: Hi anita. It’s been busy as I am currently working from home. But mentally and emotionally, I don’t feel okay. Yesterday, I met up with my ex from 3 years ago since we’ve talked about meeting up but it kept being pushed back due to him being busy. After I came home from seeing him, I felt really sad and hurt. I didn’t think I’d cry after seeing him but I did end up doing so.

    #385385
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita:

    I wish you had a separate room from your sister. Maybe it would be better if you slept on the sofa, in a common area of the home, instead of in the room with your sister (“we are in the same room 24/7“).

    I don’t feel comfortable sleeping in the sofa because it’s really small and parents come out randomly at night

    not a good automatic reaction or behavior. No wonder she prefers to be  online with friends instead of listening to your rants. Find a way to change this behavior from being automatic to being a matter of choice (no matter how hard it will be). Choose to not rant and vent. Instead, you can journal, draw or post here, or go elsewhere in the home.

    I try not to rant to her about everything. Instead, I try my best to keep it to myself. And she always rants to me too.

    imagine that you are outside your home, interacting with a person, and notice: are you having eye contact with the person, or are you looking away? Are you smiling at them or is there a frown on your face? When you talk to them, is your voice gentle or harsh? You can stand in front of the mirror as you imagine these things and look at your face: what does it communicate?

    People often say I’m soft spoken and quiet in person.

    #384669
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita

    when you feel that no one in your home understands you or tries to empathize with you, you tend to view situations outside of your home (in the workplace, in social situations not involving your family members, and elsewhere)  the same way, “like no one in my life understands or tries to empathize with me”.  Your emotional experience at home becomes your emotional experience everywhere.

    I will give you a common example: a lonely girl who really was misunderstood and neglected at home grows up, starts a relationship with a decent man who pays her attention and understands her, so she feels euphoric, like the most wonderful thing just happened- but not for long. One day she tried really hard to look good for him and he doesn’t notice, she thinks: he didn’t notice me, he doesn’t care.  One evening, she badly needs him to be with her because she feels painfully lonely, but he is working the night shift and tells her that he will see you the day after. She thinks: if he cared and understood how lonely I felt, he would have left his shift and visit me tonight!

    In reality: no one person can always notice how another person feels and attend to the other, we all get distracted by our own thoughts and feelings, and many have to keep their jobs, but the lonely-girl-turned-lonely-woman has unrealistic expectations: she wants her boyfriend to always know what she feels and what she wants,  and always attend to her. In summary: she really was misunderstood and neglected at home, but her boyfriend understands her and does not neglect her. It’s just that he is human and no human is able to 100% understand and attend to another person all of the time.

    That makes sense and I can understand the girl because I was in a really similar relationship with my ex.

     

    what are your behaviors in regard to your sister that caused her to not want your company? Your answer may give us a clue as to your behaviors  with other people (not family members) that cause them to not want your company.

    I noticed that I would almost always end up ranting and venting to her a lot because we are always in the same room. When I am upset or something bothers me it just became an automatic reaction for me to do because she is the physically closest person. I also get upset and angry a lot lately and because we are in the same room 24/7, she sees a lot of that.

     

    But it is not true that “everyone always prefers someone else” over you, it just seems to you this way because you project your experience with your parents (and with your sister), into your experiences with everyone.

    That makes sense.

     

    I will add to #3 that because you are (understandably) angry with your parents,  and because you imagine that everyone else is like your parents.. your anger shows, people can see that you are angry, and.. people tend to avoid angry people.

    I never thought about my anger showing to anyone else. If anything I try to avoid conflict with people outside of my family.

    #384616
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita:

    It would anger me too because what she is doing is.. refusing to have a dialogue with you, she is refusing to communicate with you about what is troubling you so much. You knock on her door, so to speak, and she slams the door in your face. That’s quite cruel of her: to refuse to talk to her own daughter and alleviate her daughter’s suffering.

    This happens often, but yesterday it just topped it off and I had a break down and cried in front of her because the same day, I was venting to a friend about something else that was upsetting me and her response made me felt like my feelings were invalid and I don’t feel heard, like my feelings are being dismissed. I was really feeling distressed because it’s like no one in my life understands or tries to empathize with me.

    It just makes me shut down and want to retreat to being by myself because I’m not heard or understood“- I understand: she refuses to hear you, she refuses to understand you, and as a result, you feel unheard and misunderstood. In the context of your home, you really are unheard and misunderstood at home: it is really happening.

    Thank you for making me feel heard. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me.

    As far as you re-experiencing being left out and excluded, unheard and misunderstood outside of your home: it will take lots of effort and time for you to (1)  identify the times and situations when you feel that way, but it isn’t really happening, (2) identify the behaviors on your part that sometimes cause some people to not prefer your company, (3) accept the reality that every person, including yourself, has preferences, preferring certain foods, certain music.. certain people, and therefore there will always be people who will prefer other people over you (same is true to me and everyone else).

    #1: Can you elaborate?

    #2: I think I have an idea at least with my sister but I don’t know about with other people.

    #3: I understand that. But all my life, I feel like everyone always prefers someone else over me. Especially with my parents because I feel like they secretly prefer my sister. Maybe it’s a deep emotional wound thats why its triggering me so much.

    #384568
    Annie
    Participant

    That’s good, it means you don’t have a problem with saying No and setting boundaries at your work place, just at home. And as you explained, your resentment is mostly about being excluded from the circle of your loved ones (be it your family or your friends), of not being loved and appreciated equally, of being replaced. This is where you feel rejection the most, not so much at your work place.

    Although with time, a similar type of scenario could happen at your work place too, where you might feel that your colleagues get along very well with each other, but are keeping you out of their tight circle. So if you don’t deal with the original pain of rejection, a similar problem may appear at your work place too.

    Actually, there were times I felt left out or excluded at work mainly because I was new there and everyone already all knew each other and are friends. They’d have hang outside during the weekend and I did feel excluded when we all sit together during lunch to eat and they’d talk about it. But it didn’t really bother me as much as with family and friends.

    I am sorry about that. If it’s anyhow possible, perhaps you can use some of the free time to do (or at least start) that course on emotional healing?

    I am trying to at least do some once a week. Sometimes doing the work for internship takes me a while to complete. And when I have some time, I just end up spending the time doing other things. I just find myself having no emotional or mental energy to do anything. And with my chronic neck and shoulder pain had been really bothersome and it’s been making things difficult since. And I just get so frustrated with myself and my pain. It feels like whatever I do this chronic pain never goes away.

    Could you place an ad? Or you think people are weary of getting a roommate, due to covid?

    It’s more that I don’t trust people especially if I don’t know them. If it’s someone I know, I’d be more at ease. And also because of covid, I don’t feel comfortable moving out any time soon.

    #384561
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita

    “I don’t feel the anger towards my parents anymore. But I do see the correlation of me trying to get that emotional need from my partner because I didn’t get that as a child or ever from my dad” (Sept 2019)- at the time you didn’t feel anger toward your parents because you were focused on a boyfriend, distracted from your relationships at home.

    That sounds correct.

    On Sept 26 2019, I wrote to you: “Dear Annie: That is what happens most often when we experience a significant lack in childhood: we ‘don’t feel the anger toward (our) parents anymore’ but we feel it toward our boyfriends/ partners in each and every relationship… Problem is that you are likely to feel this kind of jealousy for your next boyfriend and the next.. until you address the jealousy you felt as a child when one of your parents (or both) seemed to prefer other people over you- other family members, maybe even neighbors or strangers…. Do you want to share about this old childhood jealousy?”

    That is true and you are correct… I did notice the pattern in my relationship with H, and I had the same jealousy that he seems to be really lucky with meeting really great friends that do anything for him and I envied him a lot about that – and I ask myself “Why can’t I have such friends? Why don’t I have friends that do those things for me?” and end up comparing my friends to theirs. It’s an automatic reaction that I tend to compare. This is the same as when parents do or say something to my sister and I would compare it with how they treat me or things they say to me too. And it puts me in a not so good mood.

    This is also apparent when I’m around a group of friends too. They seem to be closer than they are with me, and I often felt like a third wheel. I envied their relationship so much since high school because I was originally best friends with one of them and we were really close until 2 years later when our current friend came to our school from another country. After that, the two of them became really close. The 3 of us would hang out every day during lunch time at school, but it just didn’t felt the same as before. After we all graduated, there were times when the both of them hung out without me, and it would hurt me a lot because I felt so left out and excluded. My best friend started labelling her as her best friend, and she no longer addressed me that. I felt so hurt and replaced. This was years ago, and we do still all hang out once in a while, but I still feel that resentment and the feeling of being replaced. Maybe this triggered the similar feeling I felt when my sister was born, and I felt replaced.

    My thoughts today: it is not your fault that you feel disconnected from your parents, from your sister, and from everyone else. You did not create your childhood experience of emotional disconnection aka loneliness. It was created for you, and it was done to you. I don’t think that within your family, you are the odd one, the only one who is not connected to others. I think that everyone in your home is emotionally disconnected from everyone else, including your sister. This is why “she haven’t been doing anything at home other than play video games.. she’s just gaming!!!”- she is just gaming, she is not connecting with you, or with her mother, or with her father.

    Thank you anita. I guess I’m feeling more resentment towards my sister because we used to be closer until she met her online friends. Before that, we would be playing the game together, even staying up to play and it was happy times even though it was short. We also used to do puzzles and watch some dramas together (even though she never really liked watching things together because it’s ‘too long’). Since she met her online friends, she’s spend every waking moment playing games with them, talking, and even streaming movies to watch together. I feel like she talks to him more than she does to me in a lifetime (for the most part, I’m always the one talking and sharing things with her, rarely the other way around). I felt replaced and really hurt because we literally don’t even have that now.

    I think that when you see your sister prepping food in the kitchen with your mother, and you think that they are “so close”- you are wrong: she has moments of connection with her mother, some moments of connection with you, some with her father, but same is true to you. Four people living in the same small location (home), by sheer volume of time spent in close proximity- they end up connecting with each other at times.  But as a whole, there is little emotional connection between all four of you. You only imagine that everything is lovely when it comes to your sister’s connection with your mother/ parents.

    Most of the time when I try to talk to my mom, and I am trying to say how I feel or my thoughts, it never fails that she would say things like “we are going to argue again” or “okay, you are right. I am wrong” and it really triggers and angers me so much. Every time when we say things and don’t agree with each other. Or she talks over me and I never feel heard. There is no point when I tell her that I am not trying to say I am trying to be right, because I am not. Then she says that when someone is talking that I should stay quiet and listen and other crap. Everything negative she says is so triggering and she says the same things every time. Then saying that we can’t ever talk. It just makes me shut down and want to retreat to being by myself because I’m not heard or understood.

    If you move out and live away from your family, you will not get rid of the hurt, anger, jealousy and envy, and you will not be free to form close emotional connections with others. You will be taking the hurt, anger, jealousy and envy with you wherever you go. But living away from your family, and receiving some psychotherapy, will provide you the OPPORTUNITY to heal: the opportunity to express and resolve (over time) your  hurt and anger, the opportunity to form and maintain emotional connections with others, and the opportunity to enjoy a healthy love relationship with a man.

    Yes I am trying to work on healing slowly. I got laid off and have been doing internships recently so I am still trying to look for a job.

    #384559
    Annie
    Participant

    @TeaK

    Dear Annie,

    your sister does seem very spoiled, and your parents enable it. They have zero expectations from her, they let her do whatever she wants and accommodate to her whims, whereas they have all those expectations from you. There are unfortunately parents who treat their children differently, and yours seem to be like that.

    I don’t know what the reason is: it could be because your sister is much younger, or perhaps her health was fragile when she was a child and that’s why they were worried about her and spared her from duties (?), and/or because of her character where she’s rather selfish and self-centered, and doesn’t care if she causes trouble to her parents. Whatever the cause is, they do seem to treat the two of you differently.

    It tends to be a vicious circle because sometimes we can’t say No to other people’s requirements to even start caring about ourselves. And so our exhaustion and burnout deepens… How is it at your workplace? Do you feel overburdened there too?

    Yes, that would be really important. Do you have a vision of when this might become possible and under what circumstances?

    Not for work, I felt okay there. I am able to focus on keeping myself busy with work and don’t think about other things. I don’t know when I’ll be able to move out yet. I am still currently unemployed and looking for work because I got laid off. But I would prefer to find a roommate to live with which is hard because I don’t know anyone else who wants to do that.

    #383568
    Annie
    Participant

    @TeaK:

    Dear Annie,

    They NEVER put this pressure on my sister, would is 20 turning 21. When she would throw a tantrum or show her discontent, my mom just let it go and never yell and nag at her for hours.

    They would rather pay someone else to help them than ask her.

    Now I understand why what I suggested above (to teach your sister how to fill in the forms, and then inform your parents that she too is able to do it from now) – wouldn’t really work. They would rather pay someone else than to disturb her. She uses a smart defense strategy: she throws a tantrum and that’s how she keeps them at bay. She doesn’t have any remorse or any sense of guilt for not helping them. And so she’s off the hook.

    You on the other hand have a sense of responsibility and a strong sense of guilt if you don’t help them. And they are using it – they are using your sense of duty, your care and conscientiousness to do what they want you to do. I could imagine that even your mother nagging you to get a driver’s license is because she’ll be using you to drive them (or your sister) to places. It seems  that your parents unfortunately don’t see you as a person with her own needs and wants, but as a function to them. And you, because of your good heart and your sense of duty, are allowing it.

    It’s time to take that course, Annie, and start respecting yourself and learning how to set boundaries. If you could live separately from your parents, that would be great too. Physical and emotional separation is what you need, because otherwise you’re going to burnout. Those chest pains and physical problems you’re experiencing are a sign of burnout, I believe. You need to take care of yourself, and not sacrifice your health and well-being for them.

    I root for you to start the process of self-care. One step could be to set aside time for taking that course… And also, let them pay someone else to do those tasks. Start respecting yourself and caring about your health.

    Also, whenever they ask her for help, she just acts clueless and right away says she doesn’t know without bothering to even begin helping or looking into it.

    Even when she goes to college, they never pressure her to take the bus or anything. Instead, they’d go out of their way to pick her up even if they have to leave work. I had to take the bus or other transportation back from school and from taking classes. She just doesn’t like taking buses or other transportations because it’s uncomfortable. But who does? No one likes taking the bus. I feel they spoil her too much on this too. And she gets so upset when they pick her up but then parents have to go somewhere after because she just wants to go home and it’s inconvenient to her.

    I know I keep pushing back on resuming the course, but I just feel like I have no time or energy to do it lately. I feel so mentally tired a lot lately just from work that I literally just feel like doing nothing.

    I know I will move out eventually in the future.

    #383567
    Annie
    Participant

    @anita:


    @anita
    :

    Dear Annie:

    I wish there was a way for you to take a vacation away from your family- to travel far, far away, and be all by yourself for a few weeks.. or longer, just you alone on a beach somewhere, listening to the calming sound of waves.. take in the ocean air and relax.

    anita

    That would be nice but I feel more anxiety going out now since covid.

    #383438
    Annie
    Participant

    I hate my family. I’m at the point where they’re pushing me everyday and pressuring me about things. I just started learning to drive recently because my mom kept bothering and nagging at me that I need to learn. And I took a practice driving test last week, I didn’t pass. So I am paying to take more lessons but the instructor is booked all 2 months and I have to wait until September to get more lessons. They’re telling me to find another instructor, and I just felt so frustrated and stressed with them. I know they probably have good intentions, but I can’t see that right now. Because I’ve been feeling so mentally and emotionally exhausted from work, I just want to be left alone and not always taking about accomplishments. When they are mentioning to me everyday about driving, it just aggravates me so much, on top of that bothering me to help them with unemployment. I’ve also haven’t felt good physically, and I told them. Today, my mom was bringing the topic about driving again and I exploded. Of course, she went on yelling and nagging at me for a long time. And of course, she would bring up the past about how I should’ve learned a long time ago and everything I “should’ve” done.

    In my head, I can’t stop comparing that they NEVER put this pressure on my sister, would is 20 turning 21. When she would throw a tantrum or show her discontent, my mom just let it go and never yell and nag at her for hours. For me, even a small conflict and she would go off on me and saying other hurtful things like this is why she can’t talk to me and to me sounds like something is wrong with me. Yeah, I am certain that she is her favorite child.

    There is no tension with my sister and parents because they never put this pressure on her and never strict with her than they are with me. She gets away with everything and even when she kicks and throws tantrums, my mom would dismiss it and not discipline her.

    Why is it hard for them to ask her for help? Probably because when they asked her for help earlier, they did not enjoy the experience: maybe she expressed anger and impatience, maybe she did a bad job helping them (purposefully or not), maybe they had to explain too much to her about what they wanted and it exhausted them.

    It is easier for them to ask you for help than it is to ask your sister for help.

    I’ve expressed anger and frustration to my parents, yet they never resort to asking her for help. There were many times where I got really upset with them because I felt overwhelmed with my own things and problems. They would rather pay someone else to help them than ask her.

    #383393
    Annie
    Participant

    @TeaK:
    What exactly are you afraid they won’t understand? According to your culture, are you as the eldest daughter responsible to single-handedly help them, while your younger sister is spared of all duties?

    That it’s selfish and that I only think about myself (I’ve been told that before). Their excuse for my sister is that because she doesn’t know how to do it (things they keep asking me for help with like filling out forms and stuff). She’s 20. When I was her age, I had to figure out a lot of things on my own to help them, and I don’t understand because nothing is hard about it as long as you can read English. She knows how to do it if she puts a few minutes into it. She just doesn’t care and just gives the excuse that she doesn’t know how and parents let her off.

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