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PaolacParticipantI’ve been focusing on other things, other aspects of my life. I’m not sure how the relationship is going, I think it’s going okay, but again, I’ve had so much more to think about.
PaolacParticipantI mean, with “being sweet” I’m referring to normal not confrontational situations. So I don’t think in these he would need to be less sweet and more assertive or I will probably loose interest. In confrontations he’s not sweet, he’s avoidant, something that I hate and that we agreed he has to work on it. He definitively has a problem with assertiveness though, and probably I have it too. I tend to argue in my relationships I have to admit… to me it’s the only appropriate reaction when something is bothering me, the natural way to do it. Something that I saw my mom doing often while growing up, and something that I want to change about myself.
PaolacParticipantHe said that he wanted to improve. Again the reason for him was to offend me so that i would block him and leave him. Not a good enough reason for me, but this is what he said. I think I’ll just have to accept that he was being immature, this is something that never happened before.
PaolacParticipantHi, thank you for reaching out to me. I’m doing fine, I’ve talked to my therapist and to a friend about the situation. My ex apologized. He said that he got mad and wanted me to break up with him and block him, that’s why he insulted me. After that, he was sorry and asked to get back together. Now I’m just avoiding him a little because I don’t know if the idea sits right with me. It feels manipulative and childish at best. I’m just trying to navigate my feelings at the moment.
PaolacParticipantI understand… I’m really grateful that you took your time to listen to me, I really appreciate that. I think I’ll talk to my therapist about it and I will see how things go with him. I’m definitely someone that begs for an apology because the idea of somebody letting me down hurts so much that I get into panic attacks. I’ll try to be mindful with that. Thanks again
PaolacParticipantI don’t know if I overshared, I was just being honest. Sometimes I would get anxious and “overreact” and it needs to be said why I’m doing that. At least that’s what I think. It was never something I would do just for the sake of it. I should think about that more in depth. Is it bad to still have hopes? That maybe we can heal together if he really apologize for what he said? Uh… it feels toxic…
PaolacParticipantHe had a problem with confrontations. whenever I would start a discussion on something that was bothering me, he didn’t want to talk about it, saying that I always want to argue. some of those issues were important, and eventually we agreed to talk about it, some of them were stemming from my insecurities and my mental health problems, and I eventually admitted that sometimes i make something a bigger problem that it actually is (in this instance for example). I’m trying a lot, I’ve started therapy, I’m trying to be more conscious when i speak… and sometimes I think that maybe I should heal from my problems before having another relationship, because now, it feels like I’m very difficult to love.
PaolacParticipantnothing much happened after that. he said I should block him everywhere and forget about him. it is difficult for me to do that because everything was so incredibly sudden and unexpected! the day before was normal, and the day after he insulted me very badly and now he’s not my boyfriend anymore. I don’t even know what to do if he tries to make amends, wouldn’t it be unhealthy to take someone back after they insult you in such a vile way? for context, he said that my body in unattractive i have no curves and no personality, I’m repressed and crazy, nobody wants me and that is why he stayed with me, out of pity. it was really really harsh
PaolacParticipantYes pretty much, after I said I was sorry
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