@Jan – apologies for not seeing this earlier. You’re bringing up some really good points that I need to explore.

We often get into arguments in which he tells me I shouldn’t feel a certain way. He usually takes the way I’m feeling as an attack on him “not doing enough” so sometimes I feel it’s better to not bring up what’s concerning me at all. Knowing it will inevitably turn into me “picking a fight.” It’s hard to understand if I am picking a fight trying to get something out of him that’s just not there. I think I might be just trying to get his attention. I know I can’t get what’s “missing” from another person though, right? That’s something I need to heal inside myself I suppose.

We disagree fundamentally about spirituality. I often push his buttons when I talk about big dreams he deems to be “unrealistic”. It makes me angry when he seems to be okay settling for things in life because “that’s just the way life is” rather than going after his dreams. I often feel pinned down and held back because I’m patiently waiting for him to make decisions about his life so we can take next steps. Right now we don’t agree on what we want next in life.

I agree with you – I don’t know what the real problem is at the core of this. I’m not sure how to figure it out and resolve it :-/. He says he cares for me deeply and I believe it, but I think sometimes he’s stuck behind his own walls he’s put up.

Dear Canadian Eagle:

Thank you for your note and helping me realize I will only find completeness within myself.

Thank you, anita. Yes this post makes a lot of sense and reaffirms what I innately know. I feel like I just need to let go of searching for a feeling and be as present as possible in a healthy loving relationship and accept that it’s okay to be a bit bored and not feel that initial exhilaration of a new relationship anymore. We will find our exciting moments together through adventures but haven’t done much of that lately in quarantine.