Jasmine that was a great reply. Thanks for the view. I liked it!

Rainbowfish,

I can understand your lack of drive. Although it may seem like it’s an overdose of living in the now, I believe it is more likely that you don’t have a strong enough “why”. Whenever we think of our future and goals there is always a reason why we want to achieve them.

If your why is not strong enough, your energy to achieve the goal will not be there. You have to find the “why that makes you cry.” When we think about our goals and dreams our initial why will usually be something very general. But as we continue to ask why that initial answer is important you will drill deeper into what you are really after. Keep asking yourself why until you hit those deep emotions, the ones that get you passionate about your change.

Once that happens, you can successfully start to work on creating a goal statement to help you get there. There are 5 parts to a goal statement, and meditating on these will help with getting the answers you are looking for. They are:

1. Decide what you want and state it in detail and in a positive tense. Avoid negative words. For example, instead of saying, “I want to lose weight,” rephrase it to, “I want to have 2% body fat within 9 months.”

2. Imagine your life as you have already achieved your goal. Depending on your goal, you might be able to do some research, and if not, you can use your imagination. What will you be like? Who will you be with? What will you be doing?

3. Plan goals that you can achieve on your own. Although help may come, it should really be a bonus. By creating goals you can achieve on your own, you are more able to accomplish them without an excuse of someone else dropping the ball.

4. Savor the best of your current situation. Take all of the good moments in your current life, and add them to what you are looking for in your goal. This makes sure you don’t lose parts of your life that you currently enjoy and continues to keep you in a positive mindset while you are working towards your goal.

5. Check for potential dangers. Will your goal create any consequences? Are you a better person? Is your goal healthy and balanced? Does it empower you or create limitations?

This may take some time, but after you do this exercise you may find that some goals you thought were worthwhile to pursue may not fit with where you actually want your life to go. You may even have to start working towards your goal before this becomes apparent. But if you continue to do this exercise on a regular basis you will start to feel empowered and motivated.

This is something that is easily confusing for people. I have helped a lot of people live a better life and this is something that comes up often, and the wrong definition or view of acceptance can cause us to get stuck in a life of mediocrity. Acceptance is about recognizing where you are, and where you want to be.

There are two points of life that guide us to making the most of our life.

The first one is your future self. Where do you see yourself in 10, 15, or 20 years from now? We all have dreams and vision of how we want our life to turn out, and it’s our future self that provides our drive for that better life and helps guide us down certain paths. Regret usually comes from not listening or paying attention to your future self, as you’ve mentioned about your fear.

The second point of life is where you are right now. Are you in a place to go after some of your dreams or visions? If you are great! Go for it. However, sometimes we aren’t in the best position to go after our dreams, whether it be because of finances, health, or maybe we just aren’t ready to take that next step. This is where acceptance is important. You have to accept where you are now, mentally, physically, and emotionally, to be able to work towards some of those dreams you have.

Without acceptance of where you are, you can start to feel hopeless of ever having the chance to reach your dreams. But by acknowledging where you are and where you want to be, and accepting your circumstances, you can start to work towards solutions to achieve the dreams and life you want.

I have been in a similar situation at least twice in my life. Once was with the first girl I fell in love with, and the other was my ex-fiance, which took over 3 years of absolute depression to get over her.

The first time you start dating again it wont feel the same, and this is natural. It was an awkward experience for me because I was still thinking about my ex. It’s good that you think of the great times you had with her, but that is also one of the problems that is creating your void.

As hard as it sounds, one of the first things you should do is start working on letting go. It was one of the hardest things I had to do with my ex, and it will be just as hard for you. But once you start to let go, you will be able to start focusing on what is important in life, and that is what is going on right here and now. The past doesn’t define you or your happiness, it’s just what caused you to get to this point in your life. The longer we hold on to the past the longer we jeopardize our life right now, which isn’t fair to you.

The second thing that helped me was to re-frame my thinking. I had been thinking all along that it was my heart that was broken. I didn’t think that I could love again, or that I would ever find anyone that would be able to do what my ex did for me. And as I started to let go from my past I realized one powerful thing–it wasn’t my heart that was broke, it was my story.

I had this story played out in my head of how I thought my life was going to go with my ex. It was going to be great, and as she pulled away from me it hurt. But that is because it wasn’t following the story I had planned out. It wasn’t how I wanted our lives to go. The good thing about stories is that they can be re-written and updated. When I realized that it was my story and not my heart that was broke, it took away all of the power she had over me. I realized that it was my story and I could change it. So I started to work on re-writing my story (in the present, not the past).

I’ve gotten over my first love, and my ex. I have found a woman who is more amazing then I could have ever imagined, and for once in a long time, my life feels great. It is definitely doable. Just start focusing on the solution and not the problem. It will be a tough journey, but we are here for you.