Dear Marie,

don’t you think it’s something i have tried already?

Dear Eliana

I spoke to her over the phone about three of four times before I started dating my current gf and she told me that she just couldnt take the lies anymore. she admitted to me that the reason she started seeing the guy right after me was to get over me and that it really messed her up mentally and she shouldnt have done it. she thought that after all I put her through and that she thought she found the one but she was wrong. Every time we spoke over the phone we spoke for hours sometimes. we both laughed a good bit and cried a bit and I think I did get closure and we continued to talk and then like I mentioned previously we went separate ways.

Im not sure about that right now. After reading everyone’s replies I have to agree with anita, I am in an unhealthy situation right now.

Dear Peter

Thank you for your input.

You asked me what I experienced that was positive in the relationship and what I felt were negative experiences.

I learned to love myself for who I am, to accept myself with all my flaws and who and what I am in the moment as well as love others as they are.  I learned that just because someone loves differently than you doesnt mean that they don’t love you. Everyone is different. I learned that people can forgive but that doesnt necessarily mean they will forget. I learned that love is unconditional and understanding. I learned that love is not just a feeling, it is a commitment, and dedication. It is perseverant. I learned that true love holds no record of wrong.You see the other persons flaws but you dont hold them against them.Although If I have to love you from a distance because that is what we both need at the time then I will do that. Because I feel that is what love is. I learned to be honest with myself and others, especially my so. I learned integrity.

I entered this relationship with alot of skewed ideas about love and dating. I went in thinking I needed her validation so I acted like someone I was not. I lied alot about small things. It stems from a very unhealthy relationship at home but it was abusive and I thought that for this person to “love” she couldnt see the truth. So I lied alot. way too much. and it eventually tore us apart. I still wanted to be the cool kid and go out do cool stuff with the guys and and party but I was physically loyal to her but not emotionally because at the time I didnt think there was anything wrong with what I was doing as long as she didnt find out. I thought I could get away with all kinds of things I would have felt terrible about had she done them to me. I lied alot because I thought she would leave me but I didnt know what the relationship could go through. I would lie to her about the smallest things, like where i was if i was on the way to her house but i was running late for some reason. I was way too into me trying to figure out who I was to think about how the other person was feeling.

negative experiences from this relationship :

One day about six months into our relationship we got into an argument in which we were discussing something that made me uncomfortable and she told me that she was sorry that I felt bad about it but she was doing it anyways when normally if there was something either of us were uncomfortable  we always talked about it and came to a fair and enjoyable compromise for both, at least as best could be done. She finally saw through all the lies at this point and I felt she stopped caring but deserved way worse believe me. Im not sure if I would have put up with so many lies. and then at the end of our relationship she ghosted me and I found out that she started dating someone else through facebook through a mutual friend and she didnt say anything to me. I took that one pretty hard but I deserved it and I learned from it. I learned that if you really love someone dont be afraid to be honest. Im not sure if im projecting something onto this relationship from my past. I feel sometimes as if I am. what I I mean by that is that person I am today is kind of shaped from those experiences. Im not sure how else to explain it. other than that I dont believe I am. I dont know if Im driving in the right direction right now to be honest peter. Im confused.