I am now almost 3 months in therapy and finally some things are starting to shift. Two weeks ago I was reading an article on setting goals and suddenly I thought it is not about the goal of getting a relationship but on the process towards that goal. In that way I’m not setting myself up for failure (as I would have done in the past) because I’m allowing myself to learn along the way.

Somehow since then I’m slowly being more positive about myself. The words I am good enough are going through my mind more and more. This even helped me to loose a few pounds since then. And this morning, while I was waiting to get the windshield of my car replaced, I approached a beautiful woman for a chat. And it turned out to be a friendly conversation. That is something I never would have done when I started this post. Experiencing this was a huge success for me.

I’m not dating yet. Although I have not put it on hold but a relationship is definitely not top priority anymore. I’ll see what the future brings. It is now about me and the process of healing. So things are going in the right direction.

Patrick

Dear Anita,

Where do I go from here? That is the question I’m asking myself for almost 2,5 years.

Altough it took me quite some time to put this list together, I do agree that I have some experience. However the key thing that is missing is the flirting, approaching women, reading the signs that a women likes me. Therefore I tried online dating, but with not much succes either. It even got frustrating in the end.

I wish I could do something about my approach anxiety, but my lack of self esteem and confidence with women is preventing that. I hope the psychotherapy is going to help in that department. I guess I need to do the things I like on my own like hiking in nature, going to the gym, reading and catching a movie. And do my best in therapy and get happy again and learn to be patient.

Patrick

Hi Anita,

I visited my doctor. He has given me a referral for psychotherapy. It is giving me mixed feelings. I’m not feeling well because now I think that something really is wrong with me. That I need to be fixed. On the other hand the idea that I’m asking for and getting help is giving me a sence of rest.

I’ll answer your other questions in a short while. First I need to let this sink in.

Patrick

Hi Anita,

I examined this fear already. I think it is a fear of not being good enough. We recently found out that my brother, who is 3 years older than me, has Asperger. During my childhood I always had to compete with him. I also was already overweight as a child. I recentst lost 25kg. And still working to reach my first goal of 99kg. But I always got critisized by my farther that I had to do something about my weight. This weight problem but also being bald at the age of 20 and having hear on places you don’t want it to grow and needing glasses made me feel unattractive. This together with only being rejected by girls fueled this fear of not being good enough. I just can’t open up to people in general and particulariteit not to women. I want to but at the moment I can’t. I just freeze.

Patrick