Thanks Anita for your very wise words, they have been so valuable and give me comfort when I look at them in a way.  You are completely correct and I think that anger is a massive driving force for me.  Lots of internal rage and anxiety together.  Wanting to reject and I think my anger seeps out in many ways.    I have had more of a tough time with my boyfriend lately.  Getting such strong emotions of not wanting him anywhere near me.  This was to the point that I was considering leaving the life that we have together, and seach for the ‘one’.  However that has dissipated and actually underneath it all i feel is love.  What I find so hard is to not act on the strong intense emotions which seemingly come out of nowhere.

It does hurt so much to feel like i am excluded from a group, and I think that there is one group of people specifically that I have known from school that just make me feel inferior and stupid.  Every time i talk I feel stupid, I feel like they want me to leave, that they wish I wasnt there.   To be honest I tend to avoid most other situations where I could make new friends, or at least have a ‘get out time’ so I have made an excuse to leave before I have even started.  I just feel like theres such a block in the way of me and them.  I dont really know what to do about it.  I used to drink but I dont like that anymore and I dont react well to alcohol.