Ella, it is kinda strange that after four years, in this month alone, you’ve had a few hits on your post again. I felt like you were me and It was a writing from my journal! Every piece of advice you received. Im going to take as my own. I broke up with my ex 6 months Ago and we did not date long but we were close from the start. He was my first everything within the bounds of a relationship (intimacy, sleeping over etc) I  world randomly feel bored or mad  because I couldn’t help him feel motivated or feel happy and I couldn’t be his magic pill. I felt like I was using him for my happiness and keeping him from being with someone who loved him more than me. I broke up with him and was a mess, and told him and kindly he let me be friends with him. He now has a girlfriend of maybe a month and I’m in so much pain. Exactly how you felt and i just want to tell him I miss him and want his friendship. I can’t remember why I broke up with him and I wish he knew that I need him.