Dear Vanders,

My heart goes out to you.  I have worked as a clinical hypnotherapist for over 20 years.  I see people constantly get stuck in a place where your head says you want to move past the trauma or upset but you can’t on the emotional level.  The mind will keep repeating a story in an attempt to make peace with it.  And sometimes as an unconscious form of self-punishment.  As if the inner mind says, those dogs suffered, now I shall through repeating the memories in my head.

I am not a licensed mental health professional but your dilemma does sound similar to many of my clients who suffer from PTSD.  Have you explored that with your doctor?

I imagine I would carry deep feelings of shame, regret and loss if in your situation.  I would be asking myself what I learned from something so horrific.  If it was me, I would take a deep knowing that I would never again allow anyone to direct me to do something that feels inherently wrong.  That is a valuable lesson.  Sometimes we don’t learn that lesson until we make the mistake of it.

Also, has this experience not amplified your appreciation for animals for life for freedom for all creatures here on earth?  Including yourself?  If so, then I believe that your soul chose the opportunity to gain that perspective.  And if more people would come to the same place in their philosophies, this world would be a more loving place.

Lastly, consider looking into regression hypnotherapy to clear deep seated trauma.  It goes beyond talk therapy and can clear emotional stress at the subconscious level.

Sending you much love, hope and healing.

Rebecca