Thank you for the replies! I will clarify. I was asked by my principal not to divulge that the position would become available until it did become “public”, so when the friend asked what my plans were, I couldn’t confirm or deny that it would become available. I felt like my boss had put me in a bad place. Once it did become public, I DID tell this person that I applied and what my intentions were. She remained quiet about her intent. Hearing about her application second hand and not from her personally just sort of sucked, and I wish she would have told me when we discussed the position after it did go public. I realize that I did not divulge what I knew ahead of time when it still had not been released, but I did tell her my intention when it mattered and she asked.

I have thought of just telling her I know that she has applied and that I wish her luck. I do love to teach, and I loved to teach in the school I was at. I do not relish the idea of starting over again, because I’ve had to do that so many times as a mother. It’s not fun. It’s nice to have “your” job, not just “a” job. To address your question, Anita, I think I feel less resentment or anger toward my kids and more toward my husband at times. There is little he put on hold to have children. I’m not super proud that I go there in my mind but I do sometimes. He is also a professional and he’s been able to dedicate his time to getting two Masters degrees in a row and working fifteen years at his career, moving up the ranks. I have great kids, who aren’t jerks, and will go on to treat people well and live happily… But I do feel like I traded somethings. Especially on days like this when I realize that, yes, getting this job is out of my hands, but I want it so much.

So I have let go of some of the emotion I had toward the friend. I am putting my energy into looking at other jobs; some of which I do not want at all but which will afford me a better schedule. I just keep hoping that a better opportunity will present itself. I will find out next Friday if I got the job I wanted at my school, but I am carrying on as if I haven’t.

I appreciate your words. They were helpful.