Hi Aquarianmoon
I just recently got out of a 4 year relationship with someone who was an addict. I am glad to hear you have found a way to address and cope with alcoholism. That is a huge step in its self along with acknowledging cheating isnt ok. Thats huge! Do you know how many people cant even do that!? =]I agree with Mark I think a lot of what you are feeling stems off your past. I think the best way to deal with theses feelings is to address them with a therapist and figure out what is the next best step or way to approach telling your HB. Personally I feel honesty is the best policy and i feel the only way to rid yourself of these feelings maybe to confront them as scary as that might be, but I would make sure you do it when you are fully prepared and feel stable enough to handle whatever outcome they may produce. When my partner told me they had continued to use behind my back for months my heart broke into pieces because it killed me to see someone I love so much consumed by a disease.It has taken awhile for me to rid myself of the resentments I had towards him but I did it through understand the person he truly is and thats not who he was when he was using. I understand addiction and that it truly is a disease because I saw how torn up my partner was about it and I know him telling me the truth was so hard but the truth set him free from all of the negative thoughts he was having and causing him to continue his cycle of using. I know you said you have tried to be apart of AA and I dont know if you still are but I do know apart of the 12 steps is to make a list of all of your wrong doings. This could help as well. Even if your not in the AA program maybe writing them out and discussing them with someone you trust or a therapist could help.

Hope this helps & Best of luck