Kelsey,

I agree, Maria gave great advice. I wanted to also offer something to think about. Sometimes it’s good to make a plan that is do-able. Whether it’s ultimately the direction you want, any direction is a good direction to get you started in life. I think when you don’t know what you want, it’s good to just get out there and start doing something. I know you’ve been trying, that’s not what I mean. I mean something solid like the Peace corps. Are you in the U.S.? You can pick what part of the world you want to work in. You can pick what type of project/work you want to help with. The all around benefits are crazy good. You will generate a deep sense of pride and respect for yourself and from those you meet throughout your life for your service. This is a list of benefits from their website, peacecorps(dot)gov This is just an idea. A lot of people use this for a stepping stone when they are in the exact position you are in right now. It opens doors and helps you get an idea of where you want to go from there, moving in a positive direction. No, I am not a recruiter, just wanted to offer an idea to possibly help you off rock bottom. Here’s their benefits listing:

What Are the Benefits?

Peace Corps is a life-defining leadership experience you will draw upon throughout your life. The most significant accomplishment will be the contribution you make to improve the lives of others. There are also tangible benefits, including the following Peace Corps provisions:
Certain public student loans may be eligible for deferment or for Public Service Loan Forgiveness by your lender
Perkins loans may be eligible for partial cancellation by your lender
A “readjustment” allowance of more than $8,000 (pre-tax) upon completion of service
Language, cross-cultural, and technical training
Travel to and from country of service
A monthly living and housing allowance
Full medical and dental coverage
48 paid vacation days
Unique graduate school opportunities
Leave for family emergencies
Transition and job support and social networking after service
Advantages in federal employment
Opportunities for short-term assignments through Peace Corps Response
No fee to participate

Hi Mermaid,

I just wanted to say something that may be helpful. You say you are needing to be creative but don’t know how to jump start yourself in a direction. I think we creative types are prone to depressive states because we feel so much and if we don’t have a channel to funnel those feelings we get overwhelmed by them. And when you are overwhelmed, it paralyzes you. What I have done to get my juices flowing (and it can be hard to take that first step, but it has always brought me back to life) is to find a place to be creative with other creative people. Forget about the 9-5 for now if you have that option. It is not how creatives function anyway. Go find an art center. If they don’t have a job opening, volunteer to help out there. Or take some classes there. Take many classes there and find something that sparks your passion or at least gives you motivation to put your ideas into motion. Join a community theater group. Just get yourself out there with other creatives, because believe me, it will inspire you. And you can take all these feelings that are overwhelming you and turn them into art. That’s what art is. Feelings creatively expressed. Once you get going, you will feel better because you will no longer feel bottled up. I know you said you live in the country, but hopefully there is a town close by that has some sort of art center or such. Also, you can look for jobs helping or apprenticing in an artists studio. I have worked for a potter and taken classes in pottery, worked in a stained glass studio, learned how and made jewelry (which I currently sell in a couple of shops) spent years playing in community theater, am teaching myself to paint, and am moving into working with wool soon with all kinds of ideas of what I want to create. I’m not saying it will make all your troubles go away, but it will certainly put them in the back seat once you get going.

What I’m saying is there are opportunities out there to get you unstuck. all you have to do is take that first step and you would be amazed at how you will be inspired to do more and will find your passion(s). If you find your community of like minds, maybe you will feel strong enough to move out of the home and closer to where you feel alive! Don’t underestimate how feeling productive doing something you love can turn your whole experience of life around. You will gain confidence in yourself and your abilities and that in turn will fuel you to experience more. It’s a path to self discovery and inner growth. And it beats the hell out of sitting at home sad, frustrated and paralyzed with nothing better to do than drown in feelings that have no place to go.