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rhino

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  • January 23, 2014 at 8:44 am in reply to: Relationship Guidance – To chase or give space or both #49616
    rhino
    Participant

    Thanks Glenda for your honesty.

    My needs are as you listed, love, respect, appreciation and commitment. Communication was a big issue with us. We have very similar personalities. On the outside we put on a big brave smile and brushed everything off, but on the inside we are sensitive and sometimes insecure with our feelings.

    I am afraid to accept the truth. They say timing is everything in relationship and i feel that although i did not describe her as a giver, i know she is. As i was climbing the corporate ladder, i was often stressed, she would provide comfort and patience with me by just being there for me, coming over to my house and being. She would try to ask how i felt but as an immature male, i brushed her off as if she would never understand how i felt.

    I feel we got off on the wrong foot at the start, and now i might remember her as the one that got away instead of the one that i am to marry.

    At this time i am doing the best i can to move forward and i do carry some regret, but i am learning so much right now and when i am ready to date/love again, i will apply this tenfold. I still wish it was her that it would be with though.

    January 23, 2014 at 8:36 am in reply to: Relationship Guidance – To chase or give space or both #49612
    rhino
    Participant

    Could you share with me about your feelings on why you don’t feel ready to give up on?

    I feel not ready to give up on this because we have so much in common in terms of values, views. She was loving and respectful the only way she knew how and was raised to bottle up her emotions as well. I feel simply that we were speaking the wrong language of love.

    But Glenda said it the best, that i need to accept that she no longer wants to be with me and wants a different life. I believe we could both make each other happy but i need love myself first and let go.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by rhino.
    January 23, 2014 at 6:51 am in reply to: Criticized? #49596
    rhino
    Participant

    I understand where you are coming from, except on the flip-side. I am the guy that criticizes.

    We have also been off and on. I have been in a relationship where anytime my girlfriend has had a problem, instead of listening and being emotionally supportive, i tried to fix it for her, or if she had any idea on how to fix it, i would tell her that she should do this (kind of like, trust me i know this because i have done it a thousand times). It comes off as me trying to show off how smart i am, how dumb she is, and how incapable she is and yes, criticized.

    That has never been my intent because i love her so much and i am working hard on changing that because i deeply care for her. She knows that i am truly a loving person and deep down i would never hurt her but i still do it. We are no longer together anymore and we have decided to give each other space, could be permanent could be not..

    Where i am going with this is, it sounds like you need your space to rediscover yourself. Don’t put a time limit on yourself. Just do you. You need to start doing things on your own again so you can start building up your self esteem, rediscover stuff that makes you happy and cherish your accomplishments, for yourself. I am sure you are a great person with lots to contribute and appreciate.

    The other part of this is after you find your peace, your self esteem, i think you will realize everything happens for a reason. That reason could be the person you are with has a revelation and completely changes, or you meet someone who is better in tune with your needs. From what i have seen, most people don’t change as they get older, they only refine themselves. Unless they have a complete revelation, don’t expect much to change.

    Your feelings should never have to be explained. You are either hurt or not hurt and if the other person can’t find the courage to say i am sorry for hurting your feelings, then that says a lot more about them then you (please take this with a grain of salt)

    I myself, am going through what i hope is a revelation. I realize this is not who i am deep down inside and i must change my perceptions, for whoever i am with.

    Good luck,

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by rhino.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by rhino.
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