Hi jennh…

Your ability to notice the negative headspace from a distance shows your relationship to it. You are not the headspace, you are not all of those thoughts and beliefs that come and go through your mind. If you were your headspace, then how would you be able to notice it from the outside, and notice that you would prefer something more positive?

I’d like you think now of times in your life where you have behaved in a way that could be perceived as “outgoing”. Keep thinking. Start coming up with times. If you can’t think of anything then that’s because you haven’t thought for long enough yet so just keep thinking until you come up with some stuff.

Now with all THAT in mind, remembering all that now, a belief you ‘saw through’ when you wrote your post was that you are “not an outgoing person”. This was a perspective you chose to adopt. With all of these times in your mind now, what do you make of the belief you saw through earlier when you wrote your post? Have you noticed the different feeling you get as you remember those times when you were outgoing now and realize how different you feel to when you wrote the post? It’s amazing how easy it is for beliefs to change quickly with new evidence, and what you probably notice now is a sense of dissociation from your old belief about your identity and a sense of possibility. In fact it can be quite exciting when the possibility for a new belief to form first comes. And I don’t know whether you’ll form the new belief today or tomorrow, next week or next year, but I do know that the new belief will be “I can be outgoing at times, reserved at other times”. What’s amazing about that is that as you have that more flexible belief beginning to grow now like a seed that was planted earlier and then it’s getting taller and eventually it blooms at some point now, is that when you believe it’s possible for you to be outgoing, you will notice times when you feel much more outgoing, and that will serve as a reminder to you on a deep level that you have the ability to perform well socially at times when you notice you are outgoing some of the time now. And whether that makes sense to you or not now doesn’t matter, only that you have read and understood how your beliefs have changed at an unconscious level now.

Because with your new belief it’s easy to realize that you may even begin to feel quite relaxed and happy at some social situations, and I’m sure there have been times in the past where you have felt good at social situations and it’s a curious thing that it can be so easy to remember some of those times now. It’s funny how when you wrote your post, you forgot about all those times when you felt good in social situations, but now you begin to remember them, and more and more can fill your mind only as quickly as you remember to realize that it doesn’t matter how many you remember now, only that they existed and that means in turn that they can exist in the future too. After all, if you’ve already begun to notice how possible it is for you to be outgoing at times and there were times in the past when you felt good in social situations then it only feels obvious that there will be successful social situations in the future, and whether they occur once a week or once a year they are still very possible, and that feels good, doesn’t it?

In turn, when you are invited to do something, try not to be surprised when you might even start to notice yourself forgetting about what kind of excuses are available to you…because with the new beliefs you’re forming at a deep unconscious level then your mind may just forget excuses in the moment when you’re asked whether you’d like to do something, and then the only thing that’s left is whether or not you want to do it. And when you’re invited to do something then I wonder when you’ll realize that the first thing that pops into your head is your new belief as an occasionally outgoing person and times in your life when you’ve enjoyed social events and been outgoing in the past. And you might not notice the first time or even the second, which is what makes it even more amazing when you remember all of those new beliefs and memories next time you’re invited to do something and you feel that sense of, yes I can do this, which you didn’t even know was possible until you noticed it the first time, and then again and again. The funny thing about all this is that your practice at turning people down hasn’t gone to waste at all, and I expect you may have to buy a bigger diary, because you’re going to have to start turning people down more and more as you can’t even fit in all of your social engagements when that time comes. And as you read this and notice that feeling beginning to grow now as you feel more connected to the people in your life, don’t you, then you can begin to remember all the times in your life when you’ve felt happy and fulfilled.

Go on, imagine that for me now. All the times when you’ve felt happy…all the times when you’ve enjoyed life… Take time now to really go into those images… Make them big and bold in your mind as you enter those realities now…

And now that feeling is in the present, so too it can be in the future as you are curious to wonder how there has been enjoyment in your life and how there can be enjoyment in your life more and more with each moment now, so you feel like life is giving you wonderful experiences some of the time, and more of the time every day in fact. And if that’s true then you are being massaged by life, rewarded by life and as everything in life is good, so too can your headspace become good so that it blends in with everything else, like a chameleon.

Your father gave you guilt once or twice and because you were young nobody ever explained to you that when you run it when he’s not around, it’s your own doing, not his. And now you realize that of course you’ll notice that with the empowerment of knowing it’s you running the guilt, in turn it’s you who stops running the guilt and starts running wonderful new empowering realities only as quickly as you start treating yourself to those things you deserve and that headspace becomes more positive.

Because your headspace isn’t you, it’s headspace. So you can change that headspace as soon as you change your perspective. And you can change your perspective when you start reading this post. And if that’s true then when you look back on your old post it’s almost like somebody else has written it, isn’t it? I wonder if you’ll have that curious experience of feeling like the old post was written by somebody else with different headspace now or later, but either way, I wish you all the best and remembering that your life is good and it’s easy to forget to find exceptions to that when you’re reading this post and noticing your desire to close your eyes and imagine even more positive experiences that you are enjoying now.

All the best, and remember to make yourself a nice warm drink or some other little thing you enjoy, after all you deserve it and whether your children know that more than you do, or you know it just as much as them, everybody’s waiting for you to take some positive action towards yourself now, including me!

Writing just to yourself in a diary could have therapeutic benefit.

Also, meditate.