Thank you to everyone for responding. I really appreciate all of you.  The problem is that I don’t feel sexual in the relationship anymore, probably for 10 years.  I have felt guilty for most of that time, because she has said many times how important sexual intimacy is in a relationship. She doesn’t want to be ‘room mates’ as she calls it.  It’s confusing for me, because I don’t want to be just room mates either.  I want to be able to have physical closeness and companionship that has more depth than ‘room mates’.

I have taken 10 years to come to this ‘to the bone’ level of honesty.  she has just found out that her partner is not attracted to her.  I said that to her and it has hurt her so deeply, it’s terrible.  She said to me ‘who says that to their partner?’  I feel like a horrible person.  Maybe is should not have said it, but it is the truth.  How much truth is too much?