Forum Replies Created
September 23, 2022 at 2:21 am #407324SadlyconfusedParticipant
Hi Anita, thank you so much for your response. A rational, unbiased opinion was exactly what I needed to read, I think.
“He freely brought up the fact that the only out of context thing that would have potentially upset me if I had seen it would be a comment he left on a female gamer friend’s photo.. (in) their public community group, so not a one-on-one thing… something like: ‘If I were 10 years younger, lived in Texas and wasn’t married“- (1) don’t punish him for being honest with you and freely volunteering information, you don’t want to discourage him from being honest and open with you, (2) if this is the only thing in his online activity that could upset you, my goodness, you are a fortunate wife!
This is it and it’s why I wanted to get an outside perspective because my emotional reaction seems so out of line with the way he sees it, which suggests that it probably is me being irrational. He freely volunteered this information and I don’t want to put him off from sharing anything in the future. I’m worried the damage might have already been done in this respect, though I did say at the time that I understood the context and was okay with it. I truly felt that at the time after he had given an explanation. It was only ruminating the day afterwards that I started to get insecure about it again. I have heard stories of married men having far more worrying online activity.
“Yet, I don’t think that it is his fault that you feel this particular pain. His comment triggered a pre-existing pain; it didn’t cause the pain. Do you agree?”
Yeah, and it’s frustrating because deep down I know this; my insecurity stems from something entirely darker. I had a father who treated my mother like dirt and his cruelty and criticism towards/of me really amped up when she died and could no longer protect me from it. I grew up in a very misogynistic environment and walked on eggshells. That along with bullying from my peers at school about my looks and general quietness has made me really sensitive to feeling like I’m not good enough. This other woman looks the opposite of me physically and is bubbly, chatty and funny. I think it probably hurt because I took that aspect personally…weirdly if the comment had been directed at someone more like me I might not have been as bothered by it. Yes, I do think this is way more about my stuff than it is about the actual comment. It was a trigger.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>It feels productive to have figure that out. Thank you so much again for your post, it’s really helped me.</p>