Mr. A

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    Mr. A

    I want to have a married life and not live alone. So what I gather from all responses is the following

    1) Show compassion and empathy and don’t complain. Encourage or remain silent and patient for her to maximize her happiness and efforts


    2) If things improve, good ! If not, atleast I do my job and maintain my peace of mind and try to develop areas in my control to have fulfilment in career or sports or academics.

    3) Children may or may not happen and I will leave it to faith and efforts from my spouse.

    4) Major decisions in life, be it marriage, choice of education, careers, companies etc. are largely dependent on luck and experiences after taking those decisions. Even if I did have the maturity to evaluate better, no one can foresee all aspects of our decision and hence life is to be lived with what one gets. You may want something but will need to settle with something else, atleast a few times in life

    Mr. A

    I am looking for solutions here. There is a maid for 2 hours daily, but she prefers to cook by herself. Other household work is managed by both where I help her out. I have long working hours, but I do help on weekends and at night.

    I have also presented her with options such as having 2 more maids or 1 full-time maid for which she has denied.

    She feels that there is not much to do for the two of us and life is ok with one maid available.

    Time isn’t the constraint here, discipline is. Food and exercise needs to be the solution, which is in her hands totally.

    People with travel, domestic responsibilities and kids do maintain a fit body. Time is just an excuse (That isn’t an excuse in our case.)

    I have realized that determination and discipline is needed. If she can’t respect her own physical health, there is little that can be expected otherwise.

    I am looking at how detachment or changing my perspective will help me live better.

    Mr. A

    Hi Stephanie,

    This is unconditional love that you talk about. I agree to it and this maybe the best way for her to achieve anything she wishes or aims for.

    However, I have certain expectations of her which I had clearly communicated before marriage as well.

    I earn 5X of her. I bought the house on my own. I am healthy and have had a good exposure and am in the top quartile of intelligent men. My problems are I have limited friends and little social life, I have been complaining about her to her and trying to improve her (which seems to work at a snails pace, but does work in a few areas). But her intellect is something that cannot change fundamentally.

    One could argue I should have spotted this beforehand. But my frustrations stem from the fact that I feel I am sacrificing everything for her – intelligent conversations, not having children due to her weight, lack of physical attraction and taking full responsibility of financial freedom.

    She is a good homemaker – cooks for us and takes care of the house. She also works and does it sincerely. However she comes from a poor background with lack of any real support.

    I have accepted the fact that things won’t be equal in our relationship. I will need to take ownership of wealth creation, decision making, finances and travel . She takes ownership of food and household stuff and her career. It seems like a traditional man woman thing and I have seen so many confident, fit and smart women who delegate household stuff and are far more energetic, fit and lively. Having kids wouldn’t be a problem for any normal couple.

    I understand comparison will only make me sad, so I leave that. But isn’t it fair to expect good health and a child from her ?

    Or as you say, giving everything and then accepting whatever comes through is the best that’s written in my destiny.

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