Hi guys,

First of all thank you very much for your words of encouragement and advice. I know this must seem like a no-brainer but sometimes I wonder if I had just kept quiet and let his family do as they please like he did would everything have worked out better? Also, I am not overly religious, I pray and I believe that everyone deserves you to reach out to them with love, understanding and kindness but I don’t go to church every Sunday, whereas his family are devout Catholics who pray the minute they enter a car. I wonder sometimes if this why he seems so happy is that God blesses those who are more devout and all his mother’s prayers have been answered with the new fiancee whereas I still feel the loss. His mother even mocked my struggle to get him back and crying for him, saying that I tried to ruin his relationship with his family (by arguing that he had to stand up for me) but look at me now, alone. I wonder if all those prayers, have made her almost invincible.

I think what makes me hang on is knowing I was acting out of character by lashing out towards the parents and not understanding at that point that he would have felt pulled between us. I took it out on him and argued with/cried to him rather than calmly trying to handle situation. I’m not sure why I was so overly emotional because usually I am able to be calm-headed and see the bigger picture more reasonably. The parents seem in love with the new fiancee but she is from the same background and culture as them so I wonder if that makes things easier and she will understand them better and is more accepting of them taking over all details of the wedding/life in general. They also wanted me to give up my job in a first-world country where I am doing better than him career-wise and move to live with him in a third-world country and work under him. I argued that there were better prospects for us and our future family here but he & his family felt that they preferred the laid-back life where you go out to parties/wedding every evening and everyone knows each other. I know a good work-life balance is essential but I just couldn’t see  what was the problem was in striving for the best education for my future children. I’m an immigrant and I wanted better for them than I had. When he ended things, he said I was putting children we didn’t even have before him but intially our plan was to move to a better country so I don’t know why he backtracked. The new fiancee is happily working under him and supporting him so I’m not sure if I should’ve done the same. I wish I could have been a better, more supportive partner but I did the best I could with our long distance relationship but it was physically impossible for me to do the same things she can living in the same town, whilst I’m living across the world from him.

Valora, in answer to your question, we had only been broken up 2 months before he was newly engaged but there are messages of them flirting on social media whilst we were together that I saw later. When confronted by my family after finding out about the new engagement, he stated that “It’s his personal life and he owes us no explanation, sometimes it takes one year to know who you want to marry and sometimes it takes one month”. I just would’ve thought out of respect for me & my family he could’ve waited. Can it still be a rebound if emotionally he was already cheating? (Not sure about physically but I am aware that he had gone on nights out with her). Whilst I was trying to salvage our relationship and not aware that there was someone else in the picture, he must’ve been going on dates with the new fiancee and choosing her ring etc. He sent me such loving messages on Valentine’s day and then ended it 10 days saying that he didn’t love me anymore. I just don’t understand how love disappears so quickly. Is it likely that what he felt for me wasn’t love in the first place, and he managed to find his true love whilst arguing with me, who was more suitable for his life and his family? Although we have the same degree but specialise in different fields, she is my complete opposite, beauty pageants when she was younger whereas I was in astronomy & maths club, very active on social media whereas I’m non-existent, very outgoing it seems whereas I’m very quiet. So I’m not sure even if it was ever possible for him to love me, if this is the type he knew within a month he wanted to marry.

Why is he just not indifferent though? He could could have left me blocked. What is the point of unblocking on whatsapp in the buildup to his engagement, on his birthday and then a few weeks ago again.   He is blocked on all my social media and whatsapp as I could not bare the idea of seeing any wedding pictures of him. My question is, is it more likely that he is doing this to hurt me with his display picture of the new fiancee or reach out to me? I sometimes wonder if he is aware of how deeply he has already hurt me and if he even cares and wants to clear up everything. I wonder if there is any l0ve remaining but I can’t even talk to him for closure because I feel that it is wrong to speak to a man I have feelings of love for now that he is someone else’s. I am aware she was talking to him whilst he was with me but I don’t think I want to do the same because it would make me feel rotten about myself and question my own morals.

Thank you for your reply Peggy, I’m finding it difficult to move on because were together for 2 years and talked about children, building a business together etc. I had never been in a relationship before him even though I’m in my late 20s but he had 4-5 relationships before me and said he had never considered marriage before me so I don’t understand how 2 minutes later he’s already engaged and it hurts my heart thinking he felt nothing as was crying and begging, because I feel like even if I saw him today and he was suffering or in pain, I would still hear him out and help him. Seeing him in pain would hurt me at my core. He said it was love like never before so I will never understand how the breakup and new relationship was so easy for him because it will take me a long time to get over this. I’m trying to better myself as a person so I can be more understanding in the future if my significant other was caught between myself and his family but I wish he had given our relationship a chance this was the first big hurdle and I feel like I lost my teammate.