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  • in reply to: Separation after 24 years #48035

    Jane, your post was like reading a chapter from my life…I’ve spent 20 years with a similar man (I’m 40 – so half our lives)…2013 was the year that I said the madness needed to end. Unlike you, after many other clues, symptoms, incidences, confessions, discord, and a full fledged affair – I stayed and tried to make it work for our child for almost 3 more years – because I was so terrified to wound my child with divorce. I can assure I completely regret this decision- most of all for myself…so as numbed, shocked, lost, hurt, humiliated, enraged, deep in the heart of darkness that you are feeling, and broken as you may seem – and you will especially when you have spent so long with someone – it is truly phantom limb syndrome…I encourage you down the path you are choosing. I have had to not only forgive my ex but myself for staying and wasting my time, furthering my own hurt, my own humiliation, continuing to disrespect myself and give away my power…

    And here’s the thing you can’t possibly know right now…you will weep, you will sob, you will shake, you will scream, you will probably contemplate death…and when you are empty…you will find that still small quiet voice…that is you…that has been buried so long…and you will begin to find a strength you never knew existed…you will begin to find love for yourself you never knew was possible…you will have longer moments of peace…spaciousness…new air…new thoughts…you will heal…

    I encourage to be kind to yourself. Hug yourself – really do it…as you lay in bed, as you wake up…write in beautiful lipstick on your mirror affirmations to yourself – because darling it’s your mirror now anyway;) Love yourself…read anything and everything about affairs, about self love, meditate, cling to all the masters…listen to any and all music that helps…Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart” is so beat up from re-reading…but it saved my life…yes it did…(and her journey starts with her husband’s affair too)

    And do not respond to another woman’s rage…that would be very disrespectful to yourself…and frankly you’ve already been disrespected enough…

    3 quotes I leave you:
    “When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier” Diane Von Furstenberg

    “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” – Robin Williams

    “The more we hold on, the more we lose. And the more we release ourselves to the chaos, the more we are able to live inside the magic, the mystery, the swells of the tide as it shifts all around us -Allow yourself such psychological flexibility of holding two seemingly opposite experiences at the same time – honoring the negative feelings but being actively open to receive answers at the same time. Let it be. There will be an answer, let it be.”- Swati

    Much love, peace, power, wisdom, and OM…your Warrior Princess is being birthed…may the force of love and light shine deep into your heart tonight – xo

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