Hi Matt,

Interesting part about looking at it namely from his side – I do that a lot. For me personally, settling down and starting a family, being in a meaningful partnership is most important to me. After 4 years I realised I had been waiting for a commitment that seems so natural for me personally, I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. So how could the decision be so hard for him? When he first was struggling with it (he had tried to buy a ring before) I thought to myself there are things we can work on, I can support him. I really thought he would get there and so did he. But then when he told me he tried to buy a ring again and panicked and couldn’t put a finger on why I thought what more can I do? I said is this about marriage, we could be together as long term partners without the marriage and have children. That’s when he said he didn’t want kids without marriage; you can see how it is confusing. When I said do you want to spend the rest of your life waking up to me he said I don’t know. That was his response to most questions. When I said you want me to go and potentially meet someone else, marry someone else he said he didn’t like to think about it like that. He’s a procrastinator and always thinks there is endless time for everything. I wonder if he thinks similarly with this, i.e. no need to rush to make a decision, I will always be there in the background? I have laid it all out on the line and said the only reason I am looking at work in Canada is because we are not together. He said he thought that breaking up would help him feel clearer about the whole thing but that that hasn’t happened. I know that not contacting him anymore is important for my healing but I often think will I ever hear from him again? It’s so hard to think of loving someone like that again. We were best friends, laughed so much, living together was easy and we had a lot in common. But his uncertainty about our future definitely wore at my sense of security. I started to not feel so safe with him. I would think I committed my life in Australia to be with him, away from my family and he didn’t want to show me that he chose me for the long haul.

I like your exercise, thanks. When I think about it, if I could be in love and happy with someone again it would be great to have that near my family and friends!

Thanks so much.