Thanks everyone for the kind words and insights. I wouldn’t wish these ills on anyone, but with struggle comes connection in our world.

our problems so often seem to stem from our inability to cope with painful things and the subsequent avoidance of those situations, to a point where we create all kinds of coping mechanisms that end up making our own lives very difficult.

Nothing could be more true. I’ve spent my lifetime trying to justify why I should avoid certain things only because they’re painful for me to cope with. Yet they’re the very things I desire most. Now I have to face the struggle of creating the life I desire while in the wake of the actual life I’ve had.

It’s the unfortunate side of life that I had to achieve happiness and then lose it to realize I have some underlying issues that have gone unrecognized for too long. The fact that I’m starting to put together patterns in my experiences and thoughts is securing to me. The challenge lies in making the effort to change the patterns/thoughts that have caused me to make my life difficult.

To have a connection with another vulnerable being is what intimacy is all about, and we all want it, we all crave it, but not everyone are able to handle it. So be wise and take baby steps, but do take those steps. It is scary and can be painful, but it is all very, very rewarding.

Another point that really sticks out to me. It’s amazing how the power of intimacy and closeness can melt away anxiety, depression and fears. It takes effort, exposure even if its painful, and consistency. My happiest moments in life, although few and far in between, have resulted in reduced anxiety and depression. A clearer mind and some sense of purpose. Yet, even with all that, I still couldn’t handle or cope with the intimacy properly. I’ve experienced connections clouded by anxiety.