Yeah he’s fully aware of all of it. I just couldn’t keep it from him. I know this is not his fault or any fault of this relationship. I know this is something I have to work through. What I’m afraid of is not being able to work through it while dating him at the same time. 

He told me that whatever I need to help get through this we should do. And that he will help me in any way that he can. As long as I try. He’s. Even so supportive I just don’t want to lose that vecause I have issues to work through and get a better handle on. 

I know I’m a very independent person so it’s hard for me to balance being with someone sometimes. I constantly keep thinking to myself all these different things and it’s almost as if I’m afraid to screw up. If I don’t think about him x number of times a day then I don’t love him or if I want to spend a day away from him I’m a horrible girlfriend. He doesn’t like to be alone whereas I do to an extent. So I guess the feeling of being “stuck” is a possibility. I just want to make it work with this guy. I don’t have this big reason as to why other than I love him and I just really want this to work.

Part of me is afraid that we won’t work out and I will waste my time if I don’t get out now. I feel like that’s anxiety because I honestly have no reason as to why we won’t work. Other than these really high expectations and this “movie” style outlook on love.

Yeah I definitely can see that’s what is bringing it on. My boyfriend and I have so many great qualities in our relationship. You know like communication and I feel like we have a great connection and we enjoy each other’s company. We’ve recently started spending a little more time apart because we literally spent everyday with each other. And I feel like that has helped. I guess I’m just searching for that “feeling” again. I get it when we kiss or hold hands but it doesn’t last. I feel stupid because I know logically it doesn’t last forever. My past relationship was literally a roller coaster of emotion so I’m wondering since I “felt” something for 4 years and now I’m with this wonderful man and I don’t “feel” something all the time it’s wrong. What I mean is that when he walks in the room I don’t get all weak in the knees like I did. I feel more like content? And when I look at him I don’t think “oh wow he’s so gorgeous” it’s just like looking at someone you’ve known forever.

Is this something that I can work toward with this man? He’s so good to me and I do things for him that I honestly do because I know he likes it or enjoys it. I couldn’t imagine life without him right now. Or is this a sign saying ” yeah you need to be with someone you still have that feeling with” ?