I created an account just to reply to you. I wanted to let you know that I’ve been in a very similar relationship. It went on and off for years, in fact to some degree it still goes on, I just blocked this ex today because as harmless as it seemed to let her back in my life now that I’m not in love with her anymore, she keeps playing the same games with me.
What I’d like to tell you is that this person will only destroy your sense of belonging in this world. He will keep taking from you as long as you think that either 1) You have more to give than poor little him or 2) That you can’t find anything/anyone else that makes you feel alive in the same way
I know it’s so so so hard to put into practice but figure out how to love your self better. Trust me, eventually, you will have another boyfriend that you never imagined would give you all the things your ex couldn’t.
After years of being mostly single, I met someone that was so much more mature than my ex, that loved me a hundred times better than my ex ever could and that gave me things I only ever dreamed about having. Unfortunately this relationship came to an end officially just 2 weeks ago and I’m still mourning it but that doesn’t define me like it once did with my first ex. I love myself so much more than I ever did when I was with my first girlfriend. I’ve met friends and lovers that showed me love much deeper than I ever understood. And I truly believe that in the future, I will meet others with whom I’ll reach even greater depths of love.
You can’t love someone that doesn’t love themselves. And trying to reflects that you don’t love yourself so go figure out how to do that. Find new friends that you can relate to more, people that aren’t married and have such different lives from you. Go out and discover who you can be without this toxic person in your life.
And if you just want someone to talk to, I’d be happy to be your friend. I’m 29 so not much of an age difference =)