Hi Alessa,

Thank you so much for this thoughtful and compassionate reply. It means a lot.

To your question: I had asked her that once early on, and she said no. But honestly, it’s something I’ve wondered about quietly. Given the nature of her work in the BDSM industry and the level of emotional disassociation I witnessed after the procedure, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if there’s trauma there, whether spoken or unspoken.

We’re not really in contact anymore. I had to step back – after trying to be supportive during her second retrieval in Spain. I flew out there, gave space, stayed grounded, but what came back was emotional rewriting, coldness, and deflection. I wasn’t looking for a fairy tale, just honesty, or even acknowledgement of what had unfolded. Instead, it felt like I got cast as the problem for even showing up.

Right now, I’m doing my best to focus on clarity and self-trust. But there’s still confusion. The version of her I knew before in New York was warm, open, and full of potential. The version in Spain felt like a completely different person, like someone protecting themselves by erasing the connection.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. It helps more than you know.