Yes mayb that cld be it and I guess everyone preferences change as we grow. I just wish I knew how to move forward and put this behind us. I dont want him to have to pay for the rest of his life. I also dont want us to throw away all the years we have been together because of what he says was the biggest mistake of his life but these feelings of anger and the thoughts I have drive me insane

Thank you for your reply. Even though this is allowed, we had always discussed this and always agreed that it was unacceptable to us. His mom was a second wife and he despised his dad for having had the other family.  He swore he wld never do this.

The problem with all of this is the contradictory stories from both of them. We no longer have any contact with her as I asked her to vacate our shop premises. I am not from an islamic background. He also said that he did it because he felt sorry for her as she had a tough child hood and marriage to her husband of 22 years. And also she had a leaking vein in her brain and was told that she cld die at anytime. So he figured that he wld give her the happiness that she had with him and she was happy to b his 9-5 wife. I wld never have to find out. And he wld have sex with her whenever. And if anything happened to her there wld no need for me to ever know and she was happy with this.i say I feel like a fool cos I must have been so pathetic to her  always being friendly to her etc while she knew what she and my husband were doing beind my back. Im angry at him cos he knew how strongly I felt abt betrayal and infidelity. And why was I not good enough and enough for him to not do this