Mark,

Thank you for responding.  Yes I can meditate and exercise and do both.  Meditation makes me soooo sleepy I can’t do it for long.

I do not know what exactly triggers it, I have always been fairly upbeat and covered it up how I felt when I was having a bad time.  But I did well in school and was involved and dated a lot.  had a lot of fun.  I just seems to have went on the flip side mid twenties when I made some stupid decisions, (because I was previously NOT  worried about much except living life and having fun) and think I learned from mistakes not to trust myself anymore and that NOT worrying was a mistake!  ie.  getting pregnant. never worried about it, didn’t think it would really happen to ME.  didn’t worry about getting diseases.  -didn’t think it would happen to ME.  getting married too young and for wrong reasons.-didn’t think divorce would be in the future for ME.  and there is more.  Just life in general and being so “care free.”   So now I’m not care free.  I’m a worry wart.  I evidently don’t think ahead or take things seriously until after the dilemma hits.  I wouldn’t say I had bad parents at all, the mother situation was more of a comment about the fact that in the 70’s. when I was first sort of feeling like this as far back I can remember, she thought it was a normal kid thing.  Not wanting to go to school.  I really don’t blame her.  My parents are still together, married 50 yrs now.  They are not perfect but never any sort of abuse.  I do wish, however, I was sat down and had more talks about life and feelings and how to handle them.  Don’t really recall “the talk” about sex.  going on the pill.  Boys, or any major stuff.  I turned out ok.  I’m a good person.    But I’ve always lived my my emotions and how I “feel” had lead me.  Not my head.

It is effecting me worse as I’m aging.  Not better.  I really don’t understand that.  What happened to older and wiser? I must of missed that memo.