You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, I think you had a very reasonable fear in the effects of a long distance relationship. That’s something that breaks MANY couples apart. I think part of you knew this fact and cut it off with him to prevent him breaking up with you and cause you pain. I think thats a very natural feeling you are experiencing.

Now, you have him still in your life and you’re both with someone new. He has told you that he still loves you and I’m certain thats true. Your time together will always be imprinted on his heart, and whose to say he isn’t aching for you right now? But wounds need time to heal and that time will also give you a chance to get a better perspective of everything. I remember my first love, I have known him for almost 7 years now and he is still in my life and even though we have gone through a lot of bad stuff together there will always be a small soft spot for him in my heart. You see, after the first year we were together he had to move out of state to Florida for a school. He broke up with me and cited long distance as the reason, and at first I was very upset. That was when I was 21 but after years later we came back into contact, tried the relationship again and found out we didn’t work as a couple. I have had a lot of time to reflect on us and even though it didn’t work out I have him housed in my heart and thats not a bad thing. He helped build me into the person I am and gave me new experiences. But it took a lot of time to be able to comfortably sit with those feelings – in the beginning when he first left me I thought my heart would stop from all the pain of how much I missed him.

There might still be a chance for you two in the future but don’t cling to that image. Whatever will be will be, and you may have opened your life up to something new and better. Take this experience as just that – an experience. Use it as knowledge of how you want to conduct yourself in the future.

Make sure you give yourself some compassion too.

Namaste

Shannon