Chelcie:  mine is a simple suggestion. Have you ever thought of attending a twelve step group?  They are not just for addictions but for “life” recovery.  There are many different types out there.  There is even one for recovery from legalism. They can be very helpful in healing damaged emotions as well as teaching or giving you tools for help in moving forward and making choices and decisions. Just a thought.  I was once caught up in a very legalistic religion which constantly condemned and made you feel guilt and shame in various ways. It’s been quite a journey to deprogram my way of thinking as a result of those teachings.  And I still struggle in different areas of my thought processes even to this day and it’s been over 20 years. A twelve step program can help you sort that out. I wish you well.