Hello Tee, Alessa and everyone,

it is okay to feel anger when there is mistreatment, but it is not okay to turn our anger into a lifestyle.

HOW TO DEFUSE A BOMB
When you contain too much violence and anger within yourself, you become so tense that you are like a bomb about to go off. You suffer very much, and your suffering spills out all over the people you live or work with. People become afraid of you, they don’t want to approach you. So you believe that everyone is boycotting you. You become extremely lonely. When we suffer, we have the tendency to blame other people and to see them as the source of our suffering. We don’t recognize that we are responsible to some extent for our suffering as well as for making those around us suffer. We don’t see that while others may want to help us, we have become like a bomb, ready to explode. Or perhaps you know someone like that, and although you would like to reach out to them, you feel they might explode at any moment so you keep your distance. You have to train yourself first to become skillful. Practice mindful breathing, mindful walking, embracing your own suffering, and using loving speech. Then, you can approach the other person with your solid presence and your mindful speech. This can be very healing for both people. With deep listening and loving speech, you may be able to restore communication.

I know from my experience – both online and in real life – that it is very difficult, almost impossible, to communicate peacefully with these angry and resentful people. It is always possible for a while, but then they return to their old selves, a ticking bomb…some people will not take their full responsibility for becoming a healthy person… and my compassion is not a bottomless well… ❤️

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Hello Anita, I am talking to everyone on this forum, including If you need to ask or process something very sensitive, you can write to me silvery8blue@gmail.com

It is invitation for anyone who wants to speak to me.

I don’t want to put anyone under more stress in public. People here deserve peace, compassion and respect.

I do believe you have a lot of controlling habits, but I feel that you are not still open and ready to accept it. And thus I will not discuss it publicly with respect to others, because it could create more stress to all members here and it is not fair to them.

You can write to me on my email.

With all respect and compassion, Anita. 🙏

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I wanted to share one more thought…

I want to be compassionate and respectful to you, so I won’t drag you into my own problems over and over again. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to connect with you… I just believe that oversharing doesn’t connect us, but rather the opposite… I can’t quite put it into the right words now… I don’t want to burden you with my own problems – I take responsibility for them. I know I have to deal with myself and my own emotions on my own. I don’t want to drag you into it and drain you, hurt you… again and again… That’s why I have to solve it on my own… and kind of isolate myself a bit. But I do cherish your presence…

Does it make sense to you? I cannot put my thoughts into words very well.

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And that also means that I will no longer accept or tolerate gaslighting (making others question their own memory or perception of the situation), blaming or guilt-tripping (making others feel responsible for their own behavior or feelings), belittling members’ pain or feelings, or monitoring others (copying their threads and using them later against them).

These are signs of controlling behaviour and it makes many people here strressed. And that’s why I will point to these problems.

On mental health forum, these things are blocked, and users are even banned when this behavior is repeated.

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Hello Lucidity,

It is painful to leave them behind but this is what I have chosen to do because it was affecting me, and so affecting my own family thro me, because I was unable to contain the negative influence my dad and sister had upon me. When I feel stronger I may revisit the situation because I do not want to abandon them but I chose to preserve my own sanity for my own sake and the sake of my family. I feel it was the right decision for me at this point in time. A choice had to be made to help someone since helping someone was what I wanted to do. In the end after years of arguments and disasters, I have chosen to help myself and my family. Helping my dad and sister led to further pain for all parties. Perhaps my dad and sister did not see it as pain but they couldnt stop themselves from responding to me in an emotionally immature way which is a difficult dynamic to withstand when it goes on and on and on. Breaking out of a trauma bond is a very hard and non intuitive thing to do. That may not be what you have at play. I am just relating to you the factors that were at play for me. Put in simply terms, I can only help others after I have helped myself to be a more sane person.

This speaks to me from the heart, and not only in terms of my private life, but also in terms of this forum.

I’m seriously considering whether I should be a part of this forum when the pattern of controlling behavior here is hurting me, because it seems to remind me of years of my bullying.

Maybe it would be wiser to distance myself, take better care of my mental health, and think about what to do next… However, is there any point in going back to this forum when this pattern keeps repeating itself (for years)?

I am sending ❤️ and ☀️ to think deeply about this.

I am only trying to become safe and brave. 🙏

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LISTENING TO OURSELVES
Sometimes when we attempt to listen to another person, we can’t
hear them because we haven’t listened to ourselves first. Our own
strong emotions and thoughts are so loud in our heart and in our
head, crying out for our attention, that we can’t hear the other
person. Before we listen to another, we need to spend time
listening to ourselves. We can sit with ourselves, come home to
ourselves, and listen to what emotions rise up, without judging or
interrupting them. We can listen to whatever thoughts come up as
well, and then let them pass without holding on to them. Then,
when we’ve spent some time listening to ourselves, we are able to
listen to those around us.

🙏

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