Hi Anita,

I don’t feel that my vulnerability have been used against me. Quite the opposite! When I am vulnerable, people want to connect. ❤️ I think that they might be scared at first… of making the first step to show their vulnerability… but when I start… slowly… in the end I always open the door to more genuine and honest conversation. 😊 People appreciate it, but some of them just feel a bit uncomfortable at first.

I didn’t mean that politeness is fake. It must be some misunderstanding. I don’t remember what I wrote about my culture in detail. But I believe that I was processing my thoughts that I didn’t want to be treated with “special treatment”, because I felt that it could make people feel uncomfortable with me, and that I want to become more resilient and responsible for my own emotions when people use “harsher” way of communication with me. 🙂

I like it. The more open I am, the more welcoming my energy is… and people are nicer. (98% of them) It just took me some time to understand it. I have processed the strange idea that people wanted to hurt me. I know today that I made it only worse and worse when I tended to isolate myself. It took some time, but socializing feels much better today! And I don’t even feel so drained after that. Hurrah!

I know that even my idea that I am overlooked in conflicts is not true. It is more about getting better and better at dealing with my emotions, taking proper care of them and becoming more stable. One step at a time. Of course. 😊

Do you have any plans for the weekend? It’s really hot here. We might go swimming to a local quarry with our dog.

🦋

Anita, so please, let me. I try so hard. I really want to connect.

But I just feel rejected when you don’t want to discuss things with me. I don’t know what you mean. And when I don’t know what you mean, it cannot resonate, I cannot relate when I know so little.

I am not an enemy, either. I will not judge you. I wish I could understand your point of you better. It doesn’t matter if it resonates, because I will try to at least understand. I will not reject that idea. I will not minimize your feelings.

I know it is the vulnerability. I know that you might be scared. But I will not hurt you anymore. I spent some time with people with trauma and difficulties. I am more compasionate, more aware of the fact that people suffer too much and that the suffering has different shapes, forms and degrees… I respect it and I know that only that suffering is the source of these misunderstandings. Not people, or their feelings.

It is that I myself am met with a form of rejection from you… when you write only these short sentences, which read that you don’t want to connect.

What can I do then?

Do you remember? You wanted to make this place bigger… I really wish we could.

I can give you space. You can think about it and let me know later.

I am still open. I was just caught in a moment of my emotions. I need to control myself… I know that it wasn’t rejection… just my emotions read it as rejection…

Alessa 🫂 ❤️

Hello Anita and Alessa,

Thank you for your warm welcome. I didn’t expect it.

I am glad that you feel affection for me, Anita. Especially after I left you with pain when I wrote to you that you were not healing. I apologize for being unskilful.

I did it out of my own frustration and you didn’t deserve to be at the end of it. I shoud have taken better care of my own feelings so that I didn’t hurt others.

I am more mindful. I am more responsible for my own emotions today. And I am finding ways how to be compassionate with myself and others at the same time when times are tough.

I believe that vulnerability and humility should be an invitation for being genuine and open. It’s a great honor when somebody offers me their true heart. ❤️

What specifically do you mean about the fake words, Anita?
I can see that you have been a bit upset by these words, Alessa?

Do you think that we could find a way how to discuss this openly, politely and with compassion? Maybe… it’s a test. It is a great opportunity how to cultivate compassion with ourselves and others.

However, there is no need to rush. I suggest we take a break, go for a walk, spend time with loved ones and come back with relaxed mind. 🤗

I’ll do that. I’ll be back on Monday.

🦋