I was very alarmed by Anita’s words, which Tee reposted, especially:

BELIEVE Me, be on MY SIDE.
Keep current invalidating people out of my personal space: people who continue my mother’s work of invalidation and judgment.. however politely.

I am not a native speaker, so I may be wrong, but my mind is reading this as IMPERATIVE, as an ORDER to get rid of anyone who even politely could point to a mistake.

When we had a little disagreement earlier here in the thread with Alessa, I wrote to her that a good friend actually points to a mistake when they see it. I personally don’t see criticism as a form of invalidation, but a chance to self-reflect. What Anita wrote, and I understand that it is some time ago and I understand that it could be under a lot of emotions, raised a deep fear in me that I will be PUNISHED if I happen to write something, which seems to me now, could be anything… anything that could even just by a mistake be seen as a criticism by Anita.

I remembered people in my life who threatened me to be “on their side”, otherwise… !!

I continued reading and the part:

This is my space—my healing space. I will continue to speak freely here unless Lori, the site owner, or a site moderator asks otherwise.

And it literally threw me into abyss…

Sometimes when I was a child and I happened to appear in someone’s “territoty”, which could be a school corridor or a playground for example, I had to obey… or it would end up in punishment…

I understand that Tee and Alessa felt that the words were attacking them… and when I read that Anita wouldn’t stop unless a formal authority steps in… it really reminded me of some of my bullies… They wouldn’t stop unless an adult, a teacher maybe, showed up… I had a horrible nightmare, full of violence…

From this point I just couldn’t read anything with clear mind…

When I read the last reaction to Brandy, I just felt that there is no place for me… only for Anita… I don’t matter at all… because Anita claimed herself “the most wounded” and that she doesn’t need to become more resilient… which is, however, a part of being more responsible for our own emotions, to be resilient and not driven by pain like I did exactly this morning…

There is no place for me, for my pain, for my needs…. because Anita’s pain and needs are more important and she will not do anything about it. This is what my mind – by this time probably horribly distorted by my own difficulties – understood.

I am so sorry… I don’t mean bad… I am just explaining what happened inside me…

I don’t crtiticze you, Anita… butall of us need love, protection and feeling of security…

I am sorry. I should write it on paper first…

I need to take responsibility for my emotions in a healthier way… stop, rest, calm… write it on paper.. process… and send it when I feel better and only if it is really necessary…

I am terrified of “defensive” energies, which my mind evaluates like a need of others to dominate me.

I know it is only in my mind. It’s not real. But it threw me into total chaos inside.

It is good that it came back… I know that I need to work on myself harder… much harder…

🦋

Please, let’s not argue 🙏🦋

I have to stop, too… I have been too effected… flashbacks from bullying… the atmosphere is too intense…

Let’s rest, please.

Anita, I am terrified by the energy you send. Again. 😥 I have been in a very bad episode. I need to solve what is going on with me. I cannot think or feel normally now.

Earlier in this thread I posted:

Everyone needs love, protection and respect… Everyone needs to be offered the feeling of security and non-fear. If we decide to set healthy boundaries during conflict, the boundaries will protect everyone. They will not isolate us from others. They will only help everyone understand our world, our needs, our difficulties and suffering… so that we could cultivate compassion, the capacity to understand suffering, and help to remove it, transform it…

Can we try?

I know it’s hard. ❤️

I’ll let you explan the conflict to each other… I just needed to remind us… we all need the same, love, feeling of security, understanding…

🦋

One day I will find a way to connect my love and healthy boundaries so that I don’t feel like I’m hurting myself or others.

🦋

I’m a little bit sad.

I feel very stupid…

But it is okay.

I did the right thing. I did it from my heart. 😊

I have to learn not to be so eager to give away my heart. It is my inner work… I take responsibility for my feelings. It is my foolishness…

Love is protection. Everyone needs to feel protected and safe.

Boundaries are not meant to isolate us, but connect us in a different, healthy way.

🦋