Hi Susan,
I too went to a very similar situation with my ex wife. yes, I’m gay too from New York. We were together for over 12 years, and it was devastating, I think I was in shock for the first 6 months. What got me through it was a lot of self help book, and a little bit of therapy. talking about it helped at lot. I talked it about it over and over until eventually I talked about it less. It was not easy to let go, but eventually I did. There is light of the end of the tunnel, believe me.