Dear Anita,

Yes, it sounds weird but he was sweet and caring but I never knew what he was thinking and going to do. I was blindsided by his decisions many times, I didn’t feel like he was treating me serious, like a partner included in his decision making process. I was constantly feeling unstable. Many times when I asked why he did something the answer was “I don’t know” and it was quite frustrating. It changed when I decided to leave. He was trying hard to show me he was able to change then.

When I met my current partner I was shocked that someone can communicate so well in any situation and he really considered me in his decisions. Whenever we had any disagreement we’d just talk, whilst in similar cases with my ex it felt like talking to a wall. I knew that my previous relationship was toxic when he was cheating on me and I was accepting it for the sake of not losing him. But with my new relationship I realised that there were also other issues in the past that made me feel unhappy with my ex.

It’s so ironic that now as I’m writing it, it all seems obvious that I should forget about my ex. Then why does it hurt so much imagining that I’d never see him again?:(

Hi Inky,

Thank you so much.

You’re absolutely right. My previous relationship was very dramatic and my ex hurt me many times. I should have left him long ago but I was so addicted to him that I decided to forgive everything he’d done. However once I decided to stay he  changed and seemed much more caring though I couldn’t trust him anymore and I lost faith that this relationship could ever work, despite our love. We spent almost 8 years in this struggle, maybe that’s why it’s also so hard to move on.

I’m not sure if what I still feel for him is love or some kind of obsession mixed with guilt. Whatever it is, it doesn’t let me appreciate my current relationship, especially that I feel guilty about this part as well.

Unfortunately my parents had also very dramatic relationship and I’m aware that it might have affected my definition of love.

I think I do love my current boyfriend, though I’m not sure if it’s possible to love two persons at the same time.

Do you think time will ever help me?