I should note that it’s not that I don’t have any physical attraction whatsoever: from certain angles and at certain times I feel like she is the most beautiful person alive. And that’s not even an exaggeration, she is ridicculously beautiful to me. It’s more like she doesn’t really match my preference when we get naked, and doesn’t it change something that I find her personality so beautiful that I just couldn’t help myself and wanted to be with her even though I don’t think we’re a match physically?

I know it’s just your opinion and not a universal one, but still.

Sarah,

I think you have a point in much of what you are saying, and the analogy with a mirage in the desert makes a good argument for not getting lost when thinking about what’s important in a relationship. I will say though that I don’t know if I think the argument about that looks eventually fade anyway is that strong. I live now and I enjoy my partner today and I don’t even know if the both of us will live until we’re old and wrinkly. Having an idea about what I’m settling for for life when I’m picking a partner now makes the decision overwhelming and I’m not sure if I believe that such a partner exists – one that will cater to what I want now, tomorrow and 50 years from now. However, the argument that one should value the connection that one has with someone very highly is a solid one. I’ve often felt (specifically in the beginning) that interacting with this person is different from every other interaction I’ve had with others since she understands me so well. I’m 23 and I haven’t felt that others understand me well very often. I might be focusing on the wrong thing.

Inky,

You are right about that forcing my way into something is probably a bad idea, but I disagree with the notion that one can’t be in love or genuinely want to be in a relationship with someone if they’re having doubts. Everyone has doubts and needs to be reassured of that what they’re doing is alright, and feeling the need to express something that feels off doesn’t necessarily mean that the love for the person one is involved with isn’t real. If true love is wholeheartedly loving every single aspect of another person, every second of every day, I don’t believe that true love exists, at least for most of us.

I’m not contemplating on staying with my girlfriend because I feel sorry for her, I am because I genuinely adore her personality. We connect on a deep level and she has contributed a lot to my growing as a person. I also find her personality sexy. I see your point though, that if I am questioning our relationship to this extent, something must be so very wrong about the relationship that I should walk away from it. I respect that opinion and I’ve voiced it myself. That said, I doubt that there are a lot of people out there, aesthetic blondes or not, with whom I will connect on this level. I appreciate your interest and advice and I don’t mean to sound like I don’t.

You are right. However, I’m young and I feel cheated of being satisfied with the aesthetics of my lover when I should be at the peak of my looks and being with people who are as beautiful as they will ever be. I often feel like staying with this person is the right and mature decision as I know that she wants what is best for me, accepts me as I am and wants to know me on a deep level, to a degree that nobody I’ve met before has. I feel like I could just give up my struggles about beauty, lay off my superficial idea of what love should be, accept what will be coming to me eventually anyway and just stay with this person because I know that she is great. However I don’t know if I feel like I’m ready to give up being shallow just yet. It’s like I know I’ll stop caring so much about my own looks and what others think of me later on but right now I enjoy catering to those needs. Do you know what I mean?
I will most definetly be able to provide her with support in getting her a therapist and if we were to stay together I feel like I’d be great at supporting her. I just have to want to thoroughly.